Secret tears

I have a secret. Well I guess it won’t be after posting, but here goes. Not sure what triggered this urge to share other then feeling much love from you all on some comments and the next thing I know this memory pops into my head.

While my daughter was in high school she participated in choir all 4 years. This involved me going to the auditorium twice a year to go see their performances. I indeed did support my daughter, but the thought of dragging myself out of my sanctuary was always a bit of a rub. This was also when I was binge drinking periodically so brews were off the table for those nights. It was also after my divorce, so sitting alone wasn’t something to look forward to. Sometimes I got lucky and my son would join us.

Anyway, I’d go. As the lights dimmed In the auditorium I’d start feeling more relaxed and my nerves would calm. One by one the girls would walk out and line up on the bleacher stand on the stage. I’d closely watch each one enter from the side checking to see if it was my Allie. Once they were ready the choral director would signal to the pianist. There would be a small pause and then the first note struck and then beautiful voices would fill the air.

At that very point each time, my heart and soul would just dance and melt together. It brought me back to my youth like a time warp. As I watched each young soul on stage I thought of their beautiful beautiful beautiful innocence. I heard the sound of love coming from their voices and was just overwhelmed. I’d wonder what would happen to them once they left high school and how would life treat them. Would their dreams come true? Did they have dreams? How was their life up to this point? All these thoughts flowed in my head with again such innocence and wonder in them. What such great potential and love I saw in each one. As their voices sang loud and soft so did I. The walls within me slowly fell away, if only briefly, and I saw the angelical light surround them all.

As I sat and listened in that auditorium, I was thankful for them and that the lights were dimmed. For each time tears would flow down my cheek❤️

Life is so good and so precious,

Dwight

Getting a bit social

Since my last post on loneliness, I decided to take a small action in breaking out of my “home comfort zone”. As it sounds, I spend a lot of time at home working and living without a lot of face time with other folks. Like many people, making the effort to get out there and meet new folks or socialize seems very exhausting. When I was younger it was a much different story, but then again I had a beer in my hand and not a care in the world. Slowly after being married and then divorced I somehow just stopped making the effort.

Well after posting Loneliness, I pulled out a 3 x 5 card and wrote my name, number, and email on it. The following Monday, I gave it to a guy I know at yoga and asked if he’d be interested in meeting up for breakfast and/or hikes and he said that sounds great. Well today we met for breakfast and I’m now in the breakfast club with him and another guy and I couldn’t be happier. He also said him and his wife would love to hike whenever I want.

I’ll tell you it was very uncomfortable handing him my info. At 53, I was like shit do I really want to do this? Is it worth it? What if he thinks I’m some kind of freak? I started thinking back to kindergarten in school and how I was always a bit scared to go up to new kids, but aftwards …it just worked out.

Small steps, but I’m starting to break out of my shell. How do you break out of your shell?

Dwight