The dragon is back. Currently noise and triggers within my mind is winning. Any breeze can toss me about with ease. A comment, a tone, an image, feeling,…be whatever strikes with intense precision brining me to my knees. Think Harry Potter with death eaters or dueling wands. Except I don’t even raise my wand.
It’s not a fun place to be. Shocked, offended, and surprised. There’s nowhere to run and hide, since everyone is pointing me out…or that’s how it seems.
If I could just reach my soul, I know I’ll have a chance.
…Depression just sucks. I thought I’d share my current spell with others just to let you know you’re not alone. I usually write about this after the fact when I kicked it’s ass, but thought being vulnerable and open may help me through and others. It feels so low and very cold where I can barely move in fear it strikes again and again.
Playing events out in my mind shine clues of how I’ve arrived here again. My defenses were nil – why – given my past ..no clue.
Writing it out helps connect some dots. No cries of poor Dwight please..that isn’t this intent.
The dragon is quiet. It’s time to form a new plan.
A huge voice is screaming don’t publish this you fool. You’re not anonymous! Another small faint voice says go ahead.