Step out the door of the school bus
Tell Andy goodbye
Run inside change into my play clothes
The jeans with patches on the knees
Run out to the woods to play with my friends
Shut the computer off
Change into my biking shorts
Load the bike into the truck
Off to Lovell Gulch to go ride
At 54, I still get that excited
Got to get out there
Riding on the trail I smell the wet leaves
The sun shine through the trees
And I giggle like hell!
Send peace and joy,
Dwight
I awoke this morning, to my surprise, with a declaration from the Ministry of Fall Funness:
“To all Super Heroes of said FadedJeansLiving we hereby declare you have been summoned to get your buttocks outdoors and enjoy the Fall! Hiking, neighborhood walks, and porch hot cider sitting is highly encouraged!”
“PS: If you’re reading this then you’re a Super Hero. This means YOU😊”
What was I to do? Well…I immediately told my boss I was taking a half day! Here are some photos of my fall outing with Dude. Hope you enjoy. We did.
I’d love to see a post from you all on your Fall outing!
Mucho Metta,
Dwight…and Dude!
I can’t believe it but I’m starting to think about one of my “F” words: GOALS!
You see like forever, if I even heard someone mention that nasty word, I’d be like shut the hell up, of course in my head, as I just smiled. I’d be like dude I can’t even keep my shit together right now. Have you seen my shit? Come closer so I can just punch you right now in the face. (Remember Ground Hog Day and Bill Murray punching the insurance salesman?) Yep there is definitely a Mr. Hyde inside. My thought process was I’m barely holding on here day to day and you want me to think about 1 and 5 years from now? Again, shut the hell up, what the “F” ?
This all came about the other night lying in bed, pillow over my head to protect me from all my nemesis, and as I peaked out upon my world I started to think back to five years ago. Where was I? Where am I now? You see it was just over 5 years ago that I became a very broken man. Oh I was definitely broken before that but my soul was so frustrated of providing hints and paths for me to follow, and I’d just ignore them and stay on my stagnant lily pad. So my soul decided to do what it had to do and applied defcon emergency procedures on my ass!
I was struck with a divorce, debt, depression, and enough other shrapnel that come along with all that to blow me off the lily pad and face a world I’d been denying for years. I thought we were talking about goals? I’m getting there…
At that point there was no more hiding a not so perfect life. The spotlight shined brightly on me as I was forcefully dragged center stage. The curtain wasn’t going to shut and my soul held all the cards. I was to start anew like it or lump it. I lumped it!
As I lumped it not much happened. Like a new seed planted. I went through all those f’n phases blah blah blah…more “F” words. Slowly though with tons of work a root system was started. I looked uP and worked on “me”. It took many years of crying and trying. Many new thoughts and framing to get over my lost love. Along with that it took 4 years to pay off $35,500 in debt. I made many wrong turns, dead ends, but each time I was gathering new information and learning. For all my hard work, my soul granted me a gift on February 16, 2019. I became sober. Vowing to never live life again in the fog. To face each day with whatever life throws at me and focus on my base and have faith. My roots we’re getting deeper and deeper. To many on the outside it may appear as I haven’t done anything with my life in the last 5 years, but for me, and that’s all that counts I’ve grown so much from my lily pad days.
Okay here’s the goals part. It takes a bamboo tree 5 years to even sprout above the ground. What’s it doing up to that point? It’s taking in all the moisture and nutrients and growing a deep root system. Once that’s complete get the hell out of the way. Within 5 weeks of sprouting it can shoot up 90 ft tall!!!
So that’s my thoughts from beneath my pillow. My base is there. It’s good. I looked at the past and have seen the great progress this “tree” has made. I’m now at a point where I feel I can actually start doing the “G” word.
Goals😊. What phase are you at?
Super heroes unite,
Dwight
I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, …I was supposed to get some work done this weekend, but no, it never happened. Today I putted around. Mostly outside and coming back to my porch chair sitting and enjoying my beautiful fall. My time of year. My comfortably numb.
I strangely don’t feel like others. How do I know how others feel? It’s all in the all of course. Thrusted and ingrained upon us. A bit of an oddball I guess. Sometimes that frightens me, other times I raise that flag proudly. I don’t think we’re doing this living thing right. Day after day latching onto things to bring us happiness while all it does is make us worry more about keeping all our things. Acting like others to be like others. Doing this, doing that, rat a tat tat. Images, devices, a communication freak show pushed down our throat. Are you feeling okay? Something wrong? Oh, we can fix that.
Working worky work. For what? To survive you say. Hmm..I’m survived. There feels like there’s more behind this tapestry. The wizard is now our phones.
My push to get sober was to wake up. Living wasn’t meant to consume mass quantities just to make it through a day, event, a moment. I truly believed I had to get back to my natural state. Surely it would of been a cruel ride to have to escape daily what we were birthed into.
Natural. Getting back. Removing THINGS. This seems to resonate.
I’m not into much. Oh you must be depressed. You need to be around people more. Or you need to do this or do that. Do. Do. Do. Why is it you’re not into much?
Is it that the much is so much less then what’s right here?
Hold it together, man. Keep playing the game or you’ll go .. go , no mustn’t say it.
How did insane and depression even come to be words that slowly float into my head. Said it. Yes that’s it, I’m all up in my shit, up in my head. This all sounds like a Pink Floyd trip. Time to go …time to go. I’ve always been mad.
Like with sobriety I feel there is another veil that needs to be lifted. We aren’t taught these things because we’ve never stopped, questioned, nor tried. We instead must continue to biggering and continuing and just a bunch of bullshitting. And why is it I’m the odd one? It’s literally a crime to start seeing the glimmers so late in life after the chaotic first ride. But that ride is prescribed over and over and over.
I’m not of what I’m currently doing. I’m doing, but I’m not. There feels like there is more.
Maybe it was the tree I posted. Maybe the veil lifted briefly. Maybe it was me starting to read Wilderness – Gateway to the Soul. It’s 12:45 AM. I think I’ll go back to my porch chair and gaze at the stars.
Peace,
Dwight
I was in ah as I saw this tree that somehow against all odds it grew out of these boulders. I’ve heard repeatedly how we can learn so much from nature and as I get older I truly believe it.
Just sit and look at the tree. Think about all that needed to happen to make it reach it’s potential. Each day instead of giving up and thinking what’s the use or I’m hopeless, it chose to just focus on growing. Reaching in both directions. Deep down within expanding its roots. Also, up and out externally stretching it’s limbs. Each direction learning what’s working and what’s not working. Getting wiser each time. Maybe in the beginning the other trees didn’t notice. Maybe they said you’re crazy. You’ll never make it. There was something about this tree that wouldn’t give up. Within was a knowing it had to give it 100% plus and keep that faith.
I may not know what your circumstances are or what within you that you are striving for, but I can say remember this tree when you have a bad day, miss the mark, and feel like quitting. Shake it off, keep looking up, and keep growing. Eventually that hard work will pay off.
This philosophy has helped me through debt, depression, heartbreak, and getting sober.
✌️ Dwight
Today I was able to participate in the Pikes Peak Challenge. It’s a fundraiser that provides help and services for survivors of an injury to the brain, their families, and providers here in Colorado via the Brain Injury Awareness Alliance of Colorado. It’s such a wonderful cause and it’s always an honor to participate. The volunteers and support services are just amazing! It’s usually a hike up Pikes Peak, but due to Covid they had to switch it up. This year we hiked halfway to Barr Camp and then back down. A total of 12 miles. The weather was perfect with big beautiful blue skies and 70 degrees. Just earlier in the week it was 25 degrees and snow!
I hadn’t done this fundraiser in years, and you know me how excited I get for a hiking adventure. It was wonderful being outdoors with loving souls. I was in heaven charging up Barr trail at 5 AM. So for a 12 mile hike, here’s 12 photos along the way. I hope you enjoy.
At the finish line, an old timer walked over to me and put a medallion around my neck, shook my hand(no elbow bump), and said thank you for participating. I’m a brain injury survivor and benefit from this organization and folks like you. Choked me all up.
This was a beautiful day for me. Don’t give up on humanity folks! Together we generate so much goodness, love, and hope✌️❤️
Dwight
Apparently we have some very fast readers out here. Just makes me laugh😂
Have a great weekend,
Dwight
As many of you know, I just got back from a trip out to see my family. It was 10 days living and being around folks 24 x 7. This is quite a feat for a recluse as my mom joked, but she is so correct! I have started getting more social in the last year, but I’m still an empath introvert who can usually only handle 2 to 3 hours of being social then I must leave the ball before my coach turns into a pumpkin. Being around family helped, but it did take up a lot of energy.
While I was there I found myself surprisingly comparing myself to others even though I KNOW this isn’t healthy. I thought I’d share to see if others can relate.
It seemed like everyone’s house sparkled with the latest flooring, kitchens, bathrooms, decorations…while mine was just ughhh. Everyone was driving shiny tight new cars while my 1992 Jeep Cherokee was just..frickin OLD. Huge gatherings were put together with ease to the hill with many family and friends coming together. Hell, I have a very hard time even inviting one person over to my house. Then there were old family group photos of all of us including my ex. I will admit that too stung a bit. For some reason I couldn’t stop myself comparing the contrast between my life and theirs. I even started having thoughts of maybe I should change up my life and move back East or at least as a minimum upgrade my life out here in Colorado.
Like I said, I know better then to go down that path but it happened and now that I think about it, it often happens after trips like this. After getting home and hibernating for a couple days this comparing magically lifted. Could be these beautiful clear blue skies and soaring mountains😊. There’s reasons why I’ve chosen to live the way I’m living my life.
Houses and their insides are no longer a thing for me. I’ve lived in homes over 3,000 sq ft and filled them up with so many of societies treasures that I put myself in crazy amounts of debt. It brought me only stress with no happiness. Today I live debt free in a 1000 sq ft home with stains on some of the carpet, linoleum bathroom floors, and a kitchen that meets my needs but no I don’t have granite counter tops and I don’t want them.
Yes my Jeep is old and bounces all over the road while driving. I do indeed question some times will this thing get me all the way to a particular destination, but that makes adventures a bit more interesting. It’s got character and I refuse to pay outrageous amounts of money for a vehicle I hardly drive.
My social circle is nothing like theirs, but it is growing at a pace that is right for me. Also my small family, two kids, are currently here and I wouldn’t want to be that far away from them.
Trying to wrap this up..this is a long post for old Dwighty! So I’m back home in more ways then one. The monkey mind did get a bit carried away. It happens.
My message is grow your own way and just be YOU🤗
Dwight
