Well. It’s been a bit hasn’t it. Let’s see how this goes.
These words keep pinging in my mind, so I know it’s a sign to create a post and let it be. So clean and sober – what images comes to your mind? Back in the day my thoughts would have been nerd, boring, squeaky clean, jocks, and of all things bizarre even christian like. No offense to my beautiful christians out here. Yes yes yes yes I was pretty clueless and living in my party crew bubble of lies.
So Clean is what I wanted to ramble about. Sober I have a good handle on after 2 years. Living clean. What does that mean? Of course, it will be different for everyone. For me, it’s a whole new world. A new discovery where much light shines and the fog has been lifted. I see clearer. Speak clearer. And feel “clean” since the poison has left the stage. There’s way less dramas and I’ve discovered I control what happens in my life instead of things outside of me. I have control over my thoughts and how I respond to the externals. I AM responsible for my life now and any past hurts, embarrassments, and regrets are indeed in the past. Believe me I’m mourned them, explored them, and now is Now.
I’m clean. I’m the best I’ve ever been and as I just typed that I got cold chills and very deep breath. That’s my soul cheering. What you see now is a person who has come a long ways and no longer going back into the make believe world of the fog that society created and I literally gulped down. During these last 6 years I’ve let things go that no longer server me. This included feeling sorry for myself for being divorced, being angry I was in debt, binging at least 3 times a week, and not thinking of others much. Today I know this was the path intended so I’d learn accordingly. Boy have I learned : ). I wouldn’t be this better person today without the divorce. The debt proved to me I no longer need things for happiness. Getting sober was the card I played to finally…finally give myself a chance for happiness. And reaching out to others has opened my heart so more light can shine within and back out.
Today I can make good decisions based on these experience and just feel overall crisp! I’ve let those folks in my past that don’t understand my new path…go. The transition wasn’t easy or fast, and it took much faith on what my soul was preaching. Much work was involved to start using my mind as a tool for growth instead of tool for destruction. It definitely takes much discipline every day to let your heart be your guide in the new clean world! From the time your feet hit the floor in the morning the ego starts with its rants. Stop it in its tracks and first thing first give thanks to your supreme power.
Anything else??? hmmm…Oh yah, I can now look at the person in the mirror and completely honor and love him. He’s clean and sober. For each one of you that our on this journey keep the faith. It’s so worth it – you are worth it!