As much as I want to tell you how fabulous my backpacking adventure went this weekend and show tons of pictures, I won’t be. It had some good moments, but overall it was nothing like I planned. I don’t even have the desire to go all into the details. That’s just life sometimes. It doesn’t always work out as you plan. It could be it had its own plan and I’m to learn from it. That’s how I’m digesting it all. It’s interesting I’ve written just about everything in my life and for some reason this experience seems to need to be private. Just between me, nature, and life. There’s lessons I’m still unwinding I guess.
My baby girl is on her way to Hawaii to attend the university of life. Yesterday was a very tough day saying goodbye. Even though it is exactly what she needs now, I had many tears. Close to 19 years of always being home. Always being right here. Like I’ve said in the last post though, there’s always a morning after.
I remember being 18, just joined the Army, and sitting on a plane flying over to Germany. I had a couple of tears in my eyes back then wondering what I got myself into and already missing everyone back home. But oh what adventures I had! I told Allie it’s normal if you get those feelings but power on. It will be so worth it.
So it’s an end of an era with daddy’s little girl. I won’t see her daily anymore. It’s also a big reminder that at 54, I’m moving along in life too. Treasure everyday my beautiful friends!
It’s a frickin trip,
*Think I’ll go read Oh, the Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss😊
I can’t help sense that behind everything is Love. There is no science I can point to just an innate knowing.
This sense of something . I believe we all feel it at times. To me, the bravest thing we can do is not give into fear, but instead allow love to take form within us and give it away daily to ALL.
I know it is very discouraging with all that is going on in the world and with mankind. I truly feel though, we have an opportunity to grow upwards and evolve if we just reconnect to the intention of Source.
The dragon is back. Currently noise and triggers within my mind is winning. Any breeze can toss me about with ease. A comment, a tone, an image, feeling,…be whatever strikes with intense precision brining me to my knees. Think Harry Potter with death eaters or dueling wands. Except I don’t even raise my wand.
It’s not a fun place to be. Shocked, offended, and surprised. There’s nowhere to run and hide, since everyone is pointing me out…or that’s how it seems.
If I could just reach my soul, I know I’ll have a chance.
…Depression just sucks. I thought I’d share my current spell with others just to let you know you’re not alone. I usually write about this after the fact when I kicked it’s ass, but thought being vulnerable and open may help me through and others. It feels so low and very cold where I can barely move in fear it strikes again and again.
Playing events out in my mind shine clues of how I’ve arrived here again. My defenses were nil – why – given my past ..no clue.
Writing it out helps connect some dots. No cries of poor Dwight please..that isn’t this intent.
The dragon is quiet. It’s time to form a new plan.
A huge voice is screaming don’t publish this you fool. You’re not anonymous! Another small faint voice says go ahead.