Cleansing

Woke at 5:30.

Cranked up some Tom Petty.

Did a deep cleaning of the bathroom and kitchen.

Feeling great! Happy Monday folks😊

Be kind to yourself and have a great week❤️

Dwight

*Anybody else get a bit of a pick me up after cleaning? For me getting going is hard, but as I start seeing progress it gets a little motivating. Kinda like life?

Six Months Sober

I thought 6 months of being sober after drinking for 40 years warranted a post. Plus I thought for those starting down this path that hopefully there may be some information that would resonate with what their experiencing. When I quit drinking I was more then ready. There was much guilt the day after a binge session plus way to many hangovers. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me in any fashion at all. There was also my soul laying down a slow steady bass beat in the background of give yourself a chance Dwight. At 53, I had been leaning on alcohol since I was 13. I had so many Day Ones I couldn’t even count. But this time around I was truly onboard.

I started my sobriety 3 plus years out from my divorce after being married for 16 years with two kids. I was making some progress on digesting that whole crushing scene plus I had less then 1 year left on paying off $35,5000 in debt. Coming up out of those low valleys encouraged me to take on my alcohol dragon. My first month of being sober I pumped myself up by reading tons of books on quitting alcohol. Reading everyone’s story with eventually happy endings definitely helped push me along. It was like when you first start off on a new job or exercise program your all jazzed and usually surrounded by other like minded people. I joined a forum and just immersed myself into this new world of how to be sober. I didn’t go down the AA route because for me I have my own hang ups with religion and the 12 steps. That’s just me though. I’ve read many books and follow many bloggers where it works for them and I fricken applaud them. The one book for me that really helped with the transition was by Annie Grace called This Naked Mind. I’ll do anther post on that someday. So yeah, the first month I was cleaning out my body from the poison and feeling pretty darn excited.

At about at 3 weeks the “glitz” wasn’t shining as much.  The realization came that I no longer had my tool to escape from reality.  All of my main issues around depression, debt, divorce, health, insecurities…. were still there plus now I was feeling guilt on how alcohol had harmed me for all those years.  Also, I had to back away from the sober community I joined, because seeing so many folks repeat day 1 over and over was almost like a trigger for me and I certainly didn’t want to go down that path anymore.  What I did do though is start following some sober bloggers here in WordPress who had been successful being sober for some time and that has helped me tremendously.

I won’t go month by month but needless to say it’s a shit load of hard work!  Hard work that I’m so grateful for!!  Not being able to check out when life or my thoughts start fucking with me was extremely difficult.  Just sitting there and finally for once in my life just looking straight at it and dealing with it sober took everything I had.  The good news is I’m getting better at it and each time I feel a bitter better about myself and I’ll just say it – Proud!

One thing I learned was that many of us who stop drinking including myself pick other  coping mechanisms.  Mine was emotional eating and I’m currently working my ass off , literally, on curbing that.  This inner work is a trip and the ego is a nasty little fuck!

So at 6 months I’m feeling so much more love for myself and know I’ll never go back.  My soul is smiling more each day and my confidence is growing. The support and bonding here on WordPress is just priceless.  I know I still have a lot of work to do, but now I’m taking control of my life,  living my life sober, and discovering a new power within.  I hope that for all of you.

* For those interested in learning more about alcohol and possibly exploring going AF check out these resources and blogs

  1. Read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
  2. https://www.thisnakedmindcommunity.com
  3. https://learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration
  4. https://functioningguzzler.wordpress.com
  5. https://untipsyteacher.com
  6. https://sobrietytree.com
  7. http://bumpyyear.blog
  8. https://storminawineglass.com

Motivation:

LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE YOU’RE THE HERO IN YOUR MOVIE – Joe Rogan FightMediocrity

It’s never to late. I’m making this my fucking comeback story and YES for once I’m the Hero!!!

If you have questions or comments you don’t want to post here you can always email me at dwight@FadedJeansLiving,com

Thank you for reading and your support!

Feeling Good – Jammin!

Feeling really good the last few day.  Been off work – HA  : )

Thursday and Friday I spent both days mowing and doing landscape stuff like trimming trees and raking up pine needles.    For some crazy reason, I dig days like that.  Working hard outdoors, sweating, and then when you’re done looking at the finished product and feeling like you actually accomplished something.  Take hot showers afterwards and chillllll.   Love it!  Today cleaned out my garage and then had a fantastic hike at one of my favorite trails called Lovell Gulch, which is literally 1.5 miles from me.    Took no pictures, just enjoyed the hike and patted the trees with grateful vibes.  I have no idea why the hell I’m sitting behind a computer all day for work when I love to get outdoors and involve some kind of physical activity.  It is what it is at the moment, but I have a feeling it won’t be to to long before I get brave enough to bust a move.

The hike was just perfect, beautiful views of the mountains, and wild flowers and butterflies all just a jammin.  It’s  a pretty decent workout with some good hills for sure.  As I was sweating and breathing like an old 53yr old, I just had the biggest grin on my face.  It just reminded me how much I like to physically exert myself.

I’m just rambling for sure.  Just wanted you to know I’m feeling good and hope you all are having a good weekend.  If you’re not – get your asses outdoors!!!   It may work for you?

All the best to you,

Dwight

*Going STRONG on day 140 alcohol free!!!!

Feeling Senior

So I’m going to talk about my work situation and a little thing that keeps gnawing on me just to see if anyone else out there can relate a bit.  Excuse me why I lay down on the couch, so it’s easier to open up.

Okay doc…I’ve been working for a hospital as an application developer for twenty years now.  I started off building web applications/sites and now work on mobile applications.  About 6 years ago, we got acquired by another bigger hospital.  It was a great opportunity and I got to learn all new technologies.  Shortly after that, I got promoted to Senior Application Developer.

IMG_0773This is the part where it got a bit interesting.  In one way I did feel like with all my prior 12 years of development that “Senior” was justified, but the other side of this coin is I was a newbie learning a whole new coding language.  Since then we’ve hired new folks who have experience with newer technology and live and breath this stuff.  It’s all they want to talk about and at times expect me to know it all.  I don’t.  I’m 52 and when it’s 4 pm I shut off my laptop and have absolutely no desire to building servers at home or this or that around technology.  I’d rather be walking my dogs, hiking, reading, ..or drinking some brews listening to The Who on my porch.

So I’m feeling Senior as in OLD.  Like I can’t keep up with these little bots.  My manager and team never bring this up and I stil get all my work done on time.  It’s just something within me.   Like I’m not really qualified any more?  So let me sit up and ask this one question.

Has anyone out there ever felt this way?  How did you work through it???  While I wait for a response I’ll go flip the album on my stereo.

image

Maybe I’m senior as in Old School Baby!