2019

I’ve never created a year end type summary post because quite frankly there hasn’t been a whole hell of a lot to “highlight”. This year though, I feel like my Phoenix spread it wings and started to lift off. Before I start I want say whole heartedly thank you all for your love and encouragement.

It’s one thing to come out of the ash knowing you are no longer the same. Taking flight is a whole other endeavor. It took 4 years of self imposed imprisonment for me to finally start to rise. As weird as it sounds, it wasn’t until my alimony and maintenance agreements were complete that I felt my sentence was lifted.

3 things I’m thankful for accomplishing in 2019

  1. Getting fricken sober! Can I get an amen from the choir. (Pausing for the amen now. Maybe even some whoop whoops). This completely pulled me out of the fog of my life from numbing and forced me to face my dragons and start working through my shit and see I’m lovable. I’m worthy. I have tons of love to give,
  2. Getting healthier. Emotionally and physically. These accomplishments all flow together like dominos. Being sober forced me into becoming aware and seeing facing the dragons is the only way forward. I kicked my ass halfway through the year for not making progress on losing some weight and made good gains in that area.
  3. Getting social. I forced myself past discomfort and now get out with other folks at least 4 to 5 times a week. I also just recently met someone who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with and am looking forward to continue to grow that relationship❤️

Along with all this, I feel like WE grew closer. Yes my little tribe of misfit cape crusaders have grown to a pretty neat tight group! I’m so grateful for you all in my life. This has been the best therapy for me becoming friends with you🤗. I’m starting to take flight and know this new decade will bring new experiences, joy, and growth for us all.

Thanks again,

Dwight

A single man at 53 with relationship questions

This will give you a good idea of where I’m at beIng single at 53. It’s a trip for sure.

Questions

Do you think you will fall in love again?

Do you have the energy to start a love relationship and keep it going?

Do you still get sparks/attracted to someone or do you dismiss it right away?

Do you feel like you could live with someone 24 x 7?

After living alone so long, could you put up with someone around having to talk to, plan things with, accept things that annoy you,…

How would it work dealing with their family?

Do you worry about growing old and alone and not having memories shared with someone?

Are we alone if we live by ourself but have many friends?

Do you crave a hug, your cheek kissed, …?

When was the last time you were intimate? Was it awkward? Were you scared?

Is it different when we don’t feel as attractive now compared to when were younger and more attractive?

Could you trust again?

Would you be walking on egg shells waiting for something to go wrong?

Would it end up being like many couples at restaurants sitting across from each other not talking?

What’s the worse thing that could happen if you tried to find love?

What’s the worst thing that could happen if you don’t try?


It seems to me all this was much easier when we were young. What are your thoughts?

Sending good vibes to you all,

Dwight

Give Love

Today was my hanging of the lights day. This was the first time in so many years, I can’t even remember, that I didn’t swill like a 100 beers afterwards to keep me in the holiday spirit. I’m full of gratefulness and plenty of love from you all that helps me fly solo without alcohol. I was reminded this morning though that this is indeed not always a joyous time of year for many.

My good friend Functioningguzzler posted today, Christmas is not festive for everyone. If your not familiar with FG please read her post and follow. Also, please send her love in the comments on her post. We have so much love in our community here and right now FG needs it.

❤️

Secret tears

I have a secret. Well I guess it won’t be after posting, but here goes. Not sure what triggered this urge to share other then feeling much love from you all on some comments and the next thing I know this memory pops into my head.

While my daughter was in high school she participated in choir all 4 years. This involved me going to the auditorium twice a year to go see their performances. I indeed did support my daughter, but the thought of dragging myself out of my sanctuary was always a bit of a rub. This was also when I was binge drinking periodically so brews were off the table for those nights. It was also after my divorce, so sitting alone wasn’t something to look forward to. Sometimes I got lucky and my son would join us.

Anyway, I’d go. As the lights dimmed In the auditorium I’d start feeling more relaxed and my nerves would calm. One by one the girls would walk out and line up on the bleacher stand on the stage. I’d closely watch each one enter from the side checking to see if it was my Allie. Once they were ready the choral director would signal to the pianist. There would be a small pause and then the first note struck and then beautiful voices would fill the air.

At that very point each time, my heart and soul would just dance and melt together. It brought me back to my youth like a time warp. As I watched each young soul on stage I thought of their beautiful beautiful beautiful innocence. I heard the sound of love coming from their voices and was just overwhelmed. I’d wonder what would happen to them once they left high school and how would life treat them. Would their dreams come true? Did they have dreams? How was their life up to this point? All these thoughts flowed in my head with again such innocence and wonder in them. What such great potential and love I saw in each one. As their voices sang loud and soft so did I. The walls within me slowly fell away, if only briefly, and I saw the angelical light surround them all.

As I sat and listened in that auditorium, I was thankful for them and that the lights were dimmed. For each time tears would flow down my cheek❤️

Life is so good and so precious,

Dwight

Loneliness

Let’s start off from my last post:

“I feel like I’m supposed to be getting more social, but that push is more like a “living up to society” requirement and not one of my own right now.  We’ll see….”

So in my Gerontology class about a week later we had a speaker come in and discuss loneliness and the aging. She provided this statistic and it really floored me.

Here’s some information/links I found:

https://www.hrsa.gov/enews/past-issues/2019/january-17/loneliness-epidemic

“Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity.” Douglas Nemecek, MD, chief medical officer for behavioral health, Cigna https://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20180504/loneliness-rivals-obesity-smoking-as-health-risk

From Amy Mornin on https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/americas-loneliness-epidemic-is-more-lethal-than-smoking-heres-what-you-can-do-to-combat-isolation.html: “There are several reasons why loneliness can be deadly. First, it reduces your immunity, which can increase your risk of disease. But, it also increases inflammation in the body, which can contribute to heart disease and other chronic health conditions. Stress will also affect you more if you’re lonely. Financial trouble, health problems, and everyday obstacles may take a bigger emotional toll on individuals who lack social and emotional support.”

So getting back to my last post, this obviously scared the shit out of me. I’m learning so much in my class and thinking to myself I need to plan for the future and stay as healthy as possible to enjoy it, but I never thought about how loneliness had such an affect on the quality of our lives. Many of you know I work from home and sit behind a computer all day as a mobile app developer. I’m divorced and live by myself …well I have two dogs : ). My social life is pretty much nil, other then a couple of folks I go out to dinner and hikes with on occassion.

Like I said in my last post I thought this whole social thing was more of a society push, but this information has pretty much changed that thought process. I believed I’d be fine if I was older and alone from time to time. I’m doing it now and enjoy my freedom and privacy, but….jeez I certainly don’t want to being checking out any earlier then I need to.

Amy’s article goes on to explain more:

“Loneliness isn’t the same thing as being alone. Some solitude is good for you.

But, being alone needs to be a choice in order to be healthy. Elderly people who want companionship yet lack visitors, for example, are more likely to experience the physical and emotional effects of being alone.

It’s also quite possible to feel lonely even when you’re around people. If you don’t feel as though those around you truly understand you, or if you fear that they wouldn’t accept you if they knew the ‘real’ you, being around people won’t necessarily resolve your lonely feelings.”

That last paragraph really resonates with me. I feel it everyday and it has gotten to the point where I’m tired of just the basic chit chat shit. I crave for deep convos without judgement. Let me be clear this is not just an older adult “thing”. I crave for nonverbals showing I’m not crazy. I crave someone just getting me as I am, not agreeing with everything I believe, but just accepting me.

I feel like this is the only place where I can get some of this fullfilment, but understand I need a lot of this face to face with someone. I need to be touched. I need to be hugged. I need some coffee time chats : )

How about you?