How does one quit alcohol? How does one walk away from it? What advice do you give someone when they ask these questions or start on this path?
I don’t know. I struggle a lot trying to provide helpful answers for others. All I know is what is working for me.
I grew up in a world where alcohol was peddled as The Answer for everything. I mean everything: shyness, depression, celebrations, courage, boredom… I gulped it down. So far down that these alcohol pathways in my mind became trenches. The problem with trenches is it’s very hard to see out of them. I was conditioned to blindly follow. It took me 40 years in the trench to figure out alcohol wasn’t the answer. In fact it was a liar because each usage never brought me satisfaction in the end. Yes, there was initial ups but they always always ducked out early and left me alone feeling worse from the consumption. Climbing out of a trench and forming new pathways is no easy task and takes much faith and bravery facing the unknown. All I can say is there is much light and many others living outside of the fog.
The body can only take so much abuse. Yes, it’s called alcohol abuse for a reason. The hangovers, bloodshot eyes, throwing up, bumping into things, blackouts, shaking, and brain fog is your body telling you Enough Already! Listen to it! How can this be a good thing for you? It’s NOT! Not for those of us who can’t stop after one drink. Listen to your body and don’t forget those horrific effects.
I no longer feel guilt or being ashamed that use to come each time after a binge session. Those feelings kept getting worse and more and more intense near the end. I truly feel my soul was shouting for god sakes man stop this nonsense. Give yourself a chance. I knew in my heart I wasn’t intended to live this life leaning on alcohol as a crutch. Today my Inner Voice glows with much love. I feel crisp, sharp, and alive. I feel true to myself. Even my bad days look so much brighter then before.
So that’s my trinity I use daily to stay sober one day at a time. It takes all three to keep me whole and To Remember where I came from and where I want to be.
I feel like that dad in a family that refuses to acknowledge for the longest time he has a huge problem in his home. It’s not like he’s unaware, it’s just “easier” to ignore it instead of facing it and admitting he helped cause much of the pain.
I admit at 54 I’ve been silent in my white world while black Americans are being discriminated on a daily basis and have sufferednumerous atrocities as a race.
Enough is enough. I come to this table admitting my part and am ready to be part of the solution. I start by saying I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being silent and not helping you as you have suffered in pain. I have not been the loving human I need to be. I preach so much above oneness-support-love, but when it’s truly needed right in front of me, I’ve failed to give it.
I know you’re grieving and angry. You have EVERY RIGHT to be. I have failed you in the past, but today I come to this table wanting to learn more and help you.
In my endeavor to do five actions daily for 30 days, I completely ignored most of them in week 2. There wasn’t one activity I did consistently each day. I have no excuses. I just didn’t feel like doing them. The interesting thing though is I feel absolutely no guilt and actually feel better then I have in months.
I did go mountain biking twice last week and that actually propelled me up. As shitty as it can be at times huffing and puffing up hills it’s actually fun in a sick way pushing myself beyond my controlled comfortable numbness. There’s no faking it. It’s also a rush to try to stay balanced wizzing down a hill going over rocks and roots and trying to take sharp turns…all at the age of 54. You can hear me nervously giggle the whole way. And even though I’ve only gone three times now I feel like I’m improving.
I feel frickin alive. I feel challenged. I feel good.
“There is only one person that’s responsible for your life and that is YOU! Not your boss, not your spouse, not your parents, not your friends, not your clients, not the economy, not the weather. YOU!” – Marc Reklau
To recap from last week, I hadn’t been feeling very motivated and decided to challenge myself by doing five actions daily for 30 days. My goal was just to take action and make small changes that will improve my human experience. Here are my five actions:
Wim Hof breathing exercises – I’ve done this consistently every morning before I get out bed. It seems to help by clearing out my mind and putting me in ready mode.
Wim Hof cold showers – Yikes😀. To be transparent, I’m only doing my last 2 minutes in cold water. For me, I figured out soaping up and shampooing needs to be done in hot so I can wash it all out. Those last 2 minutes of cold water is definitely a challenge, and if you’re walking by my house you’ll definitely hear some hoots and yelps from this exercise. Once complete though, I’m refreshed, awake, and jazzed to start my day.
Meditate – This is definitely a work in progress from doing it laying in bed to sitting on the couch. I know many will balk at laying down, but this is my adventure : ) I haven’t been consistent each day, but when I have meditated I’ve gone for 10 minutes. My mind definitely gets off track and I need to real it back. Interesting exercise. I think this week instead of trying in the morning, I’ll meditate after lunch and see how that goes. That’s the time period I really need to reset to a better calmed state.
Eat better – So far this hasn’t happened. I’ve been inconsistently consistent.. We’ll see how next week goes.
Exercise – This is going well. Everyday I’ve done some form of exercise. I was hoping to mix in more weight training, but it’s been pretty much cardio. You all probably read my adventure Sunday mountain biking🤪. I definitely enjoy being outdoors.
Overall for week 1:
I have in no way beat myself up for not doing an action a “certain/prescribed” way or for missing days. Practicing being kind to myself.
I’m feeling more focused and much of life’s pressures weighing on me has lightened
I’m feeling better about me and not once did I bury my head under my pillow to escape
KINDA went on a mountain bike ride today with my son Bob. It had been a couple years since we last road and both of us were pumped to get out in this beautiful weather and the woods. The ride is called Little Scraggy Loop. A harmless name for a 12 mile loop. Sounds perfect.
Well. Well hell. Yep. Ohhhhh my. We started on a hill and this extra weight I’m carrying and all my good motivation seemed to not help at all. Weird. I knew I was in trouble immediately as I had to get off my bike for the first of many walking the bike up parts. I was still determined after I hacked out my first lung. Got two, right. As I struggled good lookin fit people wizzed by tossing encouragement. To be honest evil Dwight felt like flipping them off. I know I know they meant well. So I huffed. I puffed. And lost my second lung. Little fricker deserted me. I couldn’t go any further after 1 mile. Yep only one mile I made it and had to do the turnaround of shame on de frickin Little Big Ass Scraggy Shitty Loop. Ughhhhh!
My son was fine and he was more then kind. He said no prob we’ll try again at the end of the summer. I thought I better get my shit together folks. I mean like really together. Like packed in a suitcase next to me shit together. You’re waiting for the silver lining right? For god sake it’s Sunday you’re saying … you can’t have us feeling all bad going into a work week. Hmm well..
I gave it my first attempt. I got the fuck out of my house, out of my mind, but most importantly I was with my beautiful son BOB. We laughed, bonded, and had great conversations.
Life is good my friends. Sending all my love and support to each one of you❤️
* Yes that’s duck tape on my seat. 1990 baby. Rode like a Cadillac when I bought it. Old school😊😎🤪
“There is only one person that’s responsible for your life and that is YOU! Not your boss, not your spouse, not your parents, not your friends, not your clients, not the economy, not the weather. YOU!”
– Marc Reklau, 30 Days Change your habits Change your life
For those who don’t know, I’ve been down/off I’d say for the last month and a half. All appearances I act and look fine, but behind the scene I’m doing a lot of lying in bed with a pillow over my head hiding from life and craving peace and to just check out. I’m not about to analyze all that here, but I am going to discuss next steps.
For me, I eventually get to a point where I’m basically sick and tired of being sick and tired, and realize I need to pick myself up. No magic fairy dust is in sight. I’m so beyond “these are interesting trying times”. So I came up with this 30 five ACTIONS idea to share out here.
Here are my five actions that I’m committing to daily for the next 30 days:
I purposely didn’t get specific on these. My goal is just to take action and make small changes that will improve my human experience. After each week, I’ll create a new post with an update on my progress. If you’d like to participate and come up with actions of your own, I’d love to hear about it in posts from you. The number 1 rule though is..there are no rules. Whatever works for you. Yours might be the 20 two actions. You get the point.