There is something coming from within and working it’s way up. Slowly but surely. It’s calm, safe, and reassuring..like this is all good and you are on your way. For me this a new feeling. I guess I shouldn’t say new. When I was young living in the country everyday was a bubbling up day. Take off early in the day to play in the 100 acre wood seeking adventure and living fun without even knowing it. All natural. Since though life strayed far from that path. Why? Who the hell knows. To help me learn and grow? Sounds like a hard way to learn and grow. Anyway I’m in a new spot that this Soul likes and smiles at. It’s good.
I had searched outward and followed many paths. Some dead ends and some came with guilt or a false disguise that only showed it’s face after I told the ego to fuck off.
Look within. YOU have your our own rhythm. Your own path. Get quiet. Listen. Listen. Start moving toward the sound. Remain calm and know. The 100 acre woods is just ahead. Feel that giggle! Start living again.
The man she came in with didn’t hold the door for her and even came through first. I frowned as I watched. It didn’t seem to phase her. They ordered and sat down. Suddenly a man entered dirty and hair in disarray. The other two men I was with and myself looked the other way as he mumbled will someone help me I’m hungry. We sat there in our clean dockers and golf shirts trying to ignore him as he walk from group to group. Finally he reached the last table where she sat. He said to her table will you help me I’m hungry. She stood and said I’ll help you what would you like to eat? She brought him to the counter and he ordered and when he was done he said God Bless You. As she left he said God Bless you. As I witnessed this I felt like such a loser for not helping my fellow man. Now as I write this I know she was me guide to show me the way and challenge me to DO instead of judge. I learned a lot from this Goddess – God Bless her!
Came across this picture tonight of my dad and the tears started rolling down my face. Feeling Sad and so much Love…
1:50 AM and just finished meditating with the strawberry moon shining on my face. I couldn’t resist. Such an amazing universe we live in. I couldn’t help thinking how it must feel to be on the moon and looking out and seeing earth. Oh how I wish to have been one of those astronauts. We are quite a foolish lot down here on Mother Earth and it saddens me. We think we are so smart with our great technology of growth, but in our whole existence the growth and advancement of loving our fellow man and protecting our environment SUCKS. Why are we still having wars and destroying the planet?
I saw this the other day on a t-shirt:
- Birthplace: Earth
- Race: Human
- Politics: Freedom
- Religion: Love
I could relate to this. Instead of all those US flags hanging on houses how about more earth or love flags?
We aren’t as advanced as we think we are. Sit with your mother – it’s good for your soul and you might just learn something.
And then out of the corner of my eye I thought I felt hope sneak in. I chose to not look directly in fear of her vanishing in a flash. She’s here and that’s all I care. My body starts to warm, my heart breaks a small smile, and the light from within begins to brighten. Welcome Hope. It’s been awhile.
I’ve been thinking more and more about guilt and how society stuff seems to sneak into our conscience and before you know it you’ve been sold something you never really wanted to begin with. One example for me was attending church. As I started to attend more frequently I started having these feelings on Sunday morning’s occasionally where I didn’t really want to go in but felt guilty if I didn’t go. It was like I wasn’t going to be “spiritual enough” if I didn’t attend each Sunday. Also the whole tithe thing was starting to get to me. This bothered me and at age 51 and I just figured if I don’t want to go each Sunday well then don’t!! I enjoy the Spiritual side but not so much the rest that comes along with it.
It wasn’t only church for me that induced self-guilt but also things like attending yoga every Monday night, going to every Shamanic journey group offered, working out 5 times a week,… I’m listening more to my Soul these days and less to those chirpy voices in my head. For me, I believe it’s my mediation practice that is starting to help clear up what paths I should be following or not following and being okay with my Dwightness!
How about you?
Within the last 2 weeks I had these 2 Soul Connections at my gym:
Middle Aged Man
After my Shamanic intro class on Saturday night I went the gym. I was all fired up cranking tunes and just hitting it. At one point a man came up to a machine next to me with a cane and started his exercises. I felt this vibe to reach out to him, so I started up a conversation with him in reference to him rehabilitating and found he just retired from the service and just had surgery on his knee. We talked all about the army and I told him I had served and it kept me out of trouble during those crazy years : ) We talked about our kids and he mentioned he thought more kids should think about serving. I told him about Bob and that I wouldn’t object to him serving, but I would never ever suggest it. At that point the whole conversation changed when I brought up Bob. His right hand started tapping his leg and his face started sinking inward like trying to hold it together. He said when you go home give Bob a hug. Then he said my son committed suicide at 16. I’m tearing up as I write this…I didn’t know what to say or do. I gave him a hug and said God bless you brother I’m so sorry. There was a reason I felt pulled to talk to him and as hard as it was for him to tell me about his son I feel like he felt a tiny bit better sharing that with me a total stranger. He said thank you.
Another gym story. The day prior, Friday, I was working out and an elderly gentleman in his late seventies has just finished working out and was near the front door sitting down putting on his boots to leave. I always getting pumped seeing “elders” working out at the gym. So motivational for me. Again I felt drawn to him to say something like great job or something along those lines but he looked very tired and actually had a bit of confused look on his face. I kept working out but kept an eye on him. He sat in the chair for a bit so I assumed he was waiting for a ride. After a bit he got up and stepped outside the front door of the gym. I thought he was just going to wait there. He then slowly started walking toward the main road. Something just didn’t feel right to me. I stopped working out and walked to the door and kept watching him. It was a very cold day and it had just snowed, so I was very concerned for him. He didn’t wait near the main road but stopped, hesitated and then started walking into the parking lot across the street from the gym. I thought possibly he was taking a short cut to another road that was attached to that parking lot. He then stopped and started cutting through the snow behind the business across from the gym. At that point I grabbed my coat and ran after him. It took me a bit to catch up with him. I finally caught up with him and said excuse me is everything okay? He looked very confused and said yes. I then asked is there anything I could help him with. He then said no and pointed to some town homes behind this business and said he was just heading home. At that point I realized I had made a huge mistake thinking he might have dementia or Alzheimer’s. I profusely apologized for disturbing him and he looked me straight in the eyes and asked me my name and then said, “Dwight thank you so much for being concerned about me!” I apologized again and walked back to the gym feeling embarrassed and like a fool. Later that night while I was lying in bed I had this vision of like it was myself saying thank you Dwight for caring about yourself. I don’t know if that makes sense? It was just very bizarre. It was I was looking at myself when I’m an old man. I need to say this really actually happened…but again it was like me in the future.
What it is – is that I’m opening up and starting to listen to that little voice inside : ) It feels great! Try it!!