Crazy Brain – Crazy Train.
Have you ever tried just staying a few steps of your crazy brain? It’s like this dark shadow you can actually feel breathing down your neck. It’s like a huge black cloud following you ever where whispering in your ear things like – fool, don’t, stupid, give up, ugly, why you’d do that,… You feel like if you acknowledge it that it will swallow you and finally take over like it always has wanted to do. You run, run, and run.
For me here’s the deal. I get to the point where I’ve had enough. I turn around and look at this shadow(ego) and say fuck you, fuck off, and go away. Poof – it disappears just like the coward it is.
Becoming aware is the first step. You are good. You are awesome! You are the “___ness” of life. I am the Dwightness of life and am learning I can control my crazy brain. So can you : )
- Don’t take it for granite that just because you love the other person that all is good. A marriage like anything else you value needs to be a practice you do every day. In order to improve and grow you must practice, practice, and practice. Words are “okay” but showing via actions always trumps words. Celebrate your love. On Anniversaries and Valentine’s day go crazy overboard. Sure it could be said things like Valentine’s day is a big commercial scam, but so what do it anyways! Better yet do it all year long.
- Stay social. It’s very tempting to hibernate at home and become each other’s best and only real friend. Not good. Go out on the town with friends. Have friends over to your place. Keep in contact with your friends and do things with them. It will keep your marriage livelier.
- Help each other. It’s easy to split and conquer chores like finances, grocery shopping, making dinner, … but once in a while take on the other person’s chores. You’ll get a better understanding of what they experience.
- Let your spouse grow even if you think you know what’s better for them : ) YOU DON’T! Life is about unfolding for further growth. Without growth, everything shuts down.
- Listen. I mean really listen. You may only get one chance.
If you don’t love yourself – START. You can’t give love unless you love yourself.
Some of you may be wondering what I was thinking in the first-place ordering $1,495 in new furniture when I’m in debt? Oh ..my my my. Consumer impulse at its finest sprinkled in with some society norm crap. For some reason, I woke up one day and realized my mother was going to be spending Christmas with me. This will be the first time she’s been to my current home since my divorce last year. Needless to say, to anybody who’s been through divorce I’m currently financially challenged and my home reflects that completely. I got the old beat up furniture and even use an outdoor wired table for my son’s bedside table. So, crazy society programmed brain took over and off I went to the great American buy new shit cheap store. Within 30 minutes I had picked out 4 bedside tables, 1 couch, 1 love seat, 1 end table, and 5 lamps. Bam! Broke out the card, signed, and set up delivery for the next week. Momma bear would be comfortable and not be worrying about her boy.
It was this past Saturday and the furniture store was pushing for a delivery for Monday. Thank god I asked it to be delivered tomorrow (Thursday), because it would of been real hard to return and cancel the order otherwise. Now I guess I know why they want to deliver as soon as possible. Other then you thinking this was a stupid idea given my debt situation your probably wondering what made me cancel the order? To be honest it was exciting thinking I could walk in the house and have some new STUFF and friends and family would have a place to sit comfortably. As the days went by I guess I started worrying about the new debt and then I stumbled upon an article How to become sustainable even if you think your’re too busy (http://gatesinteriordesign.com/become-sustainable-even-think-youre-busy/) by Amanda Gates on twitter @ . The article also has a podcast with her friend Julie Kearns of the Shop Junket. It basically described me going out to buy cheap shit that has no real soul value for my life and how it’s the “norm” to do what everyone else does. It so struck a chord that it snapped me out of my crazy brain.
I’m still always amazed when messages just come out of nowhere and resonate with you so much to make you stop and adjust. To Amanda and Julie I have to give you a very big THANK YOU!! I’ve decided mom will be much happier knowing I’m paying down my debt and probably respect me more for that fact. Also, I’ve decided I don’t need to buy into what everyone else does or what everyone else has. I AM the Dwightness of Source and I got my own path. So, no new furniture for me right now. Got great ideas from Amanda and Julie on going to reuse stores, reusing items, and taking care of what I own. I highly recommend checking out the article and podcast at http://gatesinteriordesign.com/become-sustainable-even-think-youre-busy/.
Peace my fellow learners as you Grow!!
The only expertise I have on this topic is I get depressed. Yep! Okay now that that is out of the way here we go.
TEN WAYS TO COUNTER DEPRESSION
Do Ugly Yoga
Even when my yoga instructor, Jody, dims the lights my yoga poises are still ugly but who really cares. When I first looked into taking a yoga class I was a bit intimated thinking it would be all fit beautiful people. When I showed up for my first class I happily noticed it was a motley crew of all shapes and sizes. Oh and yes there are other men who take yoga. For me the stretching and breathing are a great way to help get my mind and body in a great state for the week. Shop around and talk to the instructors to find a good match for you.
Take a Grandma Hyde Nap
My kids were always amazed when my mom would visit and say she’s going to take a nap. She’d be sitting in a chair, rest her head back, and 10 to 15 minutes later be back up cruising around. Known as a power naps by some, they do wonders by allowing you to check out for a few minutes and refresh the mind and body.
Lace up those Sneakers
Shhh! While depression isn’t looking sneak outside and go for a walk. What a funny word – sneakers. Anyway, for me getting outside in the fresh air and hoofing it down the street always revitalizes my psyche. Add in some headphones to pump it up.
Sit in a Cave and Meditate
Just the other day I put on my Buddhist robe and headed out to the cave to mediate. Okay so we all don’t have caves but you should be able to find a quiet place within your home to setup a small area for you to practice. Also just google the name of your town and meditation or sangha and you might find a center near you that teaches mediation fundamentals and holds group meditation sessions. It’s pretty hard to ignore this one since it’s mentioned all over the place and for me it definitely removes all the crazies in my head.
Get all Rocky like
Okay get that Rocky song going in your head and go with me on this one. The best way for me to get out of a funky mood is to start working out – again – and eating healthier. I know a lot of you just like yoga are intimidated in joining a gym but again do some research and find a gym that matches your personality. Not all of them have men grunting like they are giving birth. It’s actually pretty neat being around others who are motivated and trying to get healthier. My workouts are usually less then 30 minutes and afterwards I feel awesome.
Hang out with Groovy Souls
Find a group or club to join. Anything to get you out of the house and to stop thinking negative thoughts. MeetUp is one great resource to check out – https://www.meetup.com/. Find others who are interested in the same things you are. Other options are women circles and men circles. I belong to a Mankind Project iGroup, http://mankindproject.org/, that has helped me become a better man.
Test out the Kool-Aid from a Temple
Okay I put this down on the list so I didn’t scare you away. In the past for me the words church and religion would make me turn and run like hell the other way. I’ve discovered though there are many churches and religions beyond Christianity that come in different sizes, beliefs, and flavors. I’ve become more of a spiritual mutt practicing all the “good” that has been passed down. If you have been put off in the past the main point here is you are not a sinner and God-Spirit-The Source whatever you want to call it isn’t up in some cloud. It is inside of you and we all have it. You are a loving soul having a human experience and there are many other loving souls who also feel this way. Exploring my spirituality has helped tremendously. How do you check one out without stepping foot in one? Most churches have websites where you can listen to the services online to see if it’s a good match. Here’s an example from my church – http://cslcs.org/podcasts/
Be a Rock Star
Work on your British accent and then start mumbling the F bomb like a thousand times and then crank up some tunes. Seriously : ) In the morning I like to bring my wireless Boise speaker into the bathroom and rock out to some AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Bob Marley ….anything that speaks to me that day. If you have any fire in you this one will definitely work!
Go on an Adventure
Think Pooh and his 100 acre wood. Remember when you were a kid and had so much fun exploring? Why do we stop just because we’re older. Pack a lunch and go on a new hike or head out onto the highway and check out a town an hour away from where you live. Get out and Explore!
I have a 3 x 5 card on my mirror that says, “I love you Dwight Hyde”. I can’t help but see it everyday and I try to say it 3 times a day while I smile at myself in the mirror. I know it sounds ridiculous but who gives a shit it works. Take some time just for you. Maybe it’s getting up early before everyone else and sitting and having your coffee or tea. Whatever makes you feel special – Do It!
Always remember you are not alone – We all are a little FRICKED up!!!
Hope this helped a bit?
I’m coming off a 24 hour low and thought there are probably a lot of other folks who experience this type of thing so why not share. To paint a picture my very lows consist of going to bed and putting a pillow over my head. It’s like a cave all quiet and dark. It’s usually caused from situations not turning out right, over stressed, or just lack of any drive. Some will say this isn’t healthy, but it happens. While I’m there I usually rotate between sleep, reading, and just contemplating life. The need for silence is because the orchestra in my head has gotten way out of tune and way to loud. I’ve got that one player, Mr. public, playing things should of gone this way and you should of done this. Player Mr. Guilt will chime in agreeing saying you didn’t handle that well at all. It becomes a music frenzy attracting other players such as Annoyed, Grumpy, and Failure. Finally way to long overdue I’ll say enough is enough!
Ideally this shouldn’t happen. I realize I’m the conductor, but it seems to slowly sneak up and build momentum that before I notice it’s to late. While I’m in the cave contemplating I can then start to see the signs. Things like brooding over the same thing over and over. Getting a negative message and letting it knock me off my happiness cloud. Expecting one result and getting a total other outcome. The key would be to shut it down (clearing) as it happens but so far that hasn’t happened.
So what do I do? In my cave there is a sign that says, “Dwight was here”. Next to it says, “Don’t stay here long”. I regroup like I said by checking out and sleeping, reading, and thinking. After a bit I can rise take a shower and start fresh. I did that just the other night and headed off to yoga. For me it’s getting back to my basics – eat healthier, exercise, connect to Source, and just be me. The whole social public world is such bullshit made up by the media and played out by all of us. I AM me and when I get my soul music in my head the orchestra starts motivating me along.
We all get low. We all fall. When it happens take some time for you. All the answers are within you if you just silence everything else and just listen. It’s your own unique music and it’s beautiful. When you hear it – start rising again.
I’m learning as I grow that it’s okay to adjust along the way. Prior to this I’d commit to something and that was that. I’d follow it through no matter what. No matter if it still didn’t resonate with my soul. I just won’t do that anymore. This blog is a great example. It started off being a debt blog and I was all fired up, but as time progressed I found myself wanting to blog about more than just debt. I had ideas and thoughts that just didn’t always fit into that category. I also found myself following many other debt bloggers on Twitter and to be quite honest the whole “debt thing” started to exhaust me. It was like that was all there was in my life and that is so not true. I made a decision to adjust and realign with what is currently working in my life. This blog won’t focus predominately on debt, but rather on all areas of my life that I want to share or that help me to grow. I got rid of my @jeanliving Twitter account and just post all my entries now to @DwightHyde twitter account. I also removed some of my more personal debt entries from this blog, because that wasn’t working for me anymore. By expanding beyond just debt I feel fortunate to be able to connect to many other souls who love to discuss their journeys in life.
Another area of my life that I’ve made a small adjustment is my spiritual practice in regards to church. Just like with debt I jumped right into becoming a member of a local church. I attended “religiously” and signed up for many classes. As time went on I found on certain Sundays I just didn’t feel like going but would still push myself to go due to my old commitment conditioning. Lately though I just go when it feels right in my soul. Sometimes I can connect better to Source by going out on a walk on Sunday morning then attending church. Neither is more right or more wrong – it just is.
For me it’s okay to adjust as long as I’m learning and growing along the way. I can admit it’s not always easy, but when I’m true with myself life seems to flow easier!