Till Next Time

How do you slay a dragon when it brings forth fire breathing depression on your ass? First, you find the courage to face it. Second, you use every tool you have in your arsenal. Third, it’s impossible to completely slay, but the sooner you deal with it the sooner you start feeling better. For me, the depression starts getting smaller and smaller and eventually flies away. I know it will come again, but next time I will be more prepared.

Tools I used the last 4 days battling my dragon:

  • This online community
  • Stabilize sleep patterns
  • Drink apple cider vinegar
  • Decaf coffee
  • Morning stretches
  • Cold showers
  • Taking dogs and me for walks
  • Meditation
  • Give thanks/prayer
  • Strength training
  • Exercise bike
  • Turmeric tea
  • Fasting
  • Being kind to self
  • Cleaned my house
  • Spend time with loved ones

Summary:

This time around I forced myself to deal with it by making the commitment and documenting it here. Usually I would of road it out hiding in bed with a pillow over my head. I didn’t succeed every day, but each day the tools helped me emotionally and physically which relieved some of the pressure of depression. One insight was my sleep patterns need much help. I had one night where I got 5 straight hours of sleep and felt like a different person. Imagine 6 hours straightūü§™. After much thought, I am going to inquire from my doc about going to a sleep lab. Lastly, I’m discovering the food I consume definitely comes into play with all of this. I need to get disciplined in that area for sure. I’m going to also explore incorporating fasting once every so often. It did seem to help like a type of cleanse.

On Day 1, I was regretting making this commitment to myself and you all. Now it’s Day 5 and I’m so glad I did it. Who knows maybe in the future you’ll see more “daily journal” posts on healthy eating or working on my sleep. I’m very grateful for all of you reading, commenting, and supporting me these last days. Thank youūü§ó

Best Wishes,

Dwight‚̧ԳŹ

Day 4

Howdy! Okay this is my last day of documenting. I didn’t get a great night sleep, but it wasn’t as bad as the night before. I actually started googling sleep labs last night while I couldn’t sleepūü§™. I just can’t imagine having to sleep with a machine over my nose, but something has to change in that area. I’m just trying to stay “natural”. Today I’m experimenting with fasting for part of the day. I’ve never used this as a tool before so the verdict is still out. I’m attempting to see how it affects my sleep tonight. I think my diet has a lot to do with my physical and mental health and it could even improve my sleep.

Alrighty, so today is Saturday and I got up at 7 and actually didn’t feel that bad even though I hadn’t gotten much sleep. I started the morning of with a turmeric tea(tool). It has many benefits, but the main one I’m shooting for is it’s benefits against depression. I just took it easy and brought my doggie to the vet and put on some Barry White and cleaned my house(tool). For me, I feel much calmer when things are in order and it does give me some satisfaction when I’m done. No, I won’t come to your house to clean.

Took my daughter to the Fine Art Center for prom pictures later in the afternoon. My little girl isn’t a little girl anymore. We got yelled out about 5 times because of the flash, but it was worth it. Got some giggles out of that. Spending time with her(tool) is precious. Didn’t do much in the evening other then chill and read(tool).

Thoughts for the day:

I can honestly say I’m not depressed today. My depression does usually start hitting the road by day four, but I guess the key here in this experiment is that day 1, 2, and 3 were definitely not as intense as in the past dealing with my depression bouts. Usually I would of stayed in bed day 1 and 2. Getting out of bed and using my tools as best I can has made it more tolerable and help keep my mind off of it. I’ll write up a summary tomorrow. Thanks for following along‚̧ԳŹ

Dwight

Day 3

I’ll cut to the chase. Day 3 of using my tools to work myself out my current depression state was a bust. I got to bed on day 2 around 10:00, but woke up at 12:30 and didn’t fall back to sleep until 4:30. When my alarm went off at 6, I took care of my dogs and instead of doing my morning routine, I went back to bed until 8. Woke up still groggy and skipped my midday tools too. After work I did make it out for a walk.

Thoughts on day 3:

  • I need to figure out this sleep. I did a lot on day 2 and figured I’d sleep with no problem. I may lump the issue in with eating better?? I did go to bed a bit stressed out. When I woke up at 12:30 I tried listening to a sleep meditation, but that didn’t work. I tossed and turned and finally just got on social media. I know, not a smart move.
  • I have nobody to blame for this other then myself. I chose to not take the extra effort needed today to help me feel better later. I see that and own it.

I’m going to do one more day of this since tomorrow is a weekend and I’d like to see how that may differ. Thanks for hanging with me‚̧ԳŹ

Day 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For those asking Day 2 of what? ¬†A few days ago I was in a pretty bad depression state and decided for the next 3 to 4 days I’ll use some of my tools dealing with depression and document it here on my blog. ¬†I’m doing this to make myself accountable, ¬†get out of this state, and lastly to hopefully help someone else who may be looking for new tools.

Well leaving off from last night, I actually got a really good nights sleep of a solid straight¬†5 hours. ¬†I can’t remember the last time that happened. ¬†Forcing myself to stay up till at least 9:30 is the way to go for me plus obviously not taking huge naps during the day. ¬†So waking up day 2 started off with a good win.

Starting off on day 2, I felt a couple notches up as far as my mental health had been.  As some had commented from Day 1, sleep is so important around depression.  This morning I switched it up a bit and for tools, I used giving thanks(prayer), 15 minutes on the exercise bike, and then followed up with some stretching and a cold shower.

Midday was the same as yesterday. ¬†I took the dogs out for a walk, ate, and did a 15-minute meditation. ¬†Now after that thing’s kind of went downhill. ¬†We were having a lot of issues at work that caused a ton of stress and I didn’t get in a workout afterward. ¬†Actually …I’m still working.

Thoughts on Day 2:

  • Staying up during the day and going to bed later helps me sleep better. ¬†I know…duh, but when I’m depressed I usually throw that tool out the window.
  • Need to figure out this work stress stuff. ¬†I don’t think the World will end if I take a mid-afternoon break to step away from the stress and also just stopping at a reasonable hour.
  • Need to make myself a priority and get my after work workout in!

Some may be wondering how I’m feeling now after two days of using some of my tools? It’s getting a good bit better : ) ¬†As I’m doing this I’m discovering what works and what doesn’t work. ¬†It also shines the light on those things that need attention.

I’ll write more tomorrow on Day 3. ¬†Thanks for reading and your support.

Day 1

I wake a few minutes after midnight. Don’t worry. This won’t be minute by minute of the next 24 hours. Well hopefully not. So I mentioned I use sleep to handle my depression, well this creates a huge problem for my sleep pattern. It’s basically whacked! I’ve read a lot about getting out of bed when you can’t sleep, so here I am out in my living room on my red couch, hmm red is that a sleep color, pecking away this start on my iPad. There goes another thing I read to stay away from screen time before sleeping. Maybe I should have stayed in bed.

I pour a small glass of apple cider vinegar and water. It’s a magic potion that has so many benefits that I’d be one finger typing all night. So being an American I want the quickest way to be cured with the least amount of work and drink this elixir. I wait. Nothing. Wait a bit more. 3 seconds have passed at this point. Nothing. Still not sleepy and I’m not farting daisies out my butt. Okay, seriously this is my first tool. From my understanding, ACV is supposed to help with the digestive process and since I usually eat like crap I can use a lot of help in that area. I’ll catch you in the morning. I’m going to think some sleepy thoughts while I read Wayne Dyer on my hell couch.

Woke up at 6 and stayed up(tool). ¬†Usually, I let the dogs out, feed them, and go back to bed. ¬†My goal for today is to stay up till 9:30 tonight, so I can hopefully sleep better. ¬†To be honest, I’m a bit apprehensive that I committed to myself and the universe that I’d go through with this. ¬†I really just want to crawl back into bed. ¬†Morning routine consisted of decaf coffee, stretching, and a cold shower. ¬†So those were 3 other tools. ¬†I’ve realized caffeine and I am not a great match. ¬†I like to the quick energy, but the drop afterward isn’t worth it. ¬†The stretching comes in handy since I work from home and sit behind a computer all day. ¬†Now I’m sure many of you had raised eyebrows when I mentioned a cold shower? ¬†Yep. ¬†I’ve been doing that off and on now for a couple of months. ¬†The Ice Man on YouTube turned me onto it. ¬†If you want to remove depression try standing under cold water. ¬†First of all, it takes your breath away briefly and secondly, depression is that last thing you’re thinking about. ¬†It is a rather intense way to start your day I’ll admit, ¬†but when I’m done I’m awake, alive, and refreshed. ¬†I hear also it’s good for your hair and skin, circulation, and eases stress.

Midday I took the dogs out for a walk(tool), lunch, and a 15-minute meditation(tool). ¬†I’m pretty sure I fell asleep near the end – oh well : )

The evening consisted of a kettlebell workout(tool) just prior to dinner.  Somehow I managed to stay up till 9:30(tool).  Yeah, I made it!

Thoughts on Day 1:

  • After going out to read on the couch, I still tossed and turned when I went back to sleep.
  • Need to change up the morning routine order and start off by giving thanks. ¬†So tomorrow try giving thanks, stretching, cold shower, then my reward of decaf coffee.

Some may be wondering how I’m feeling? ¬†Definitely not as bad as yesterday, but I’m¬†guessing that’s because I actually got off my butt today. ¬†Still, feel like I’m just going through the motions. ¬†We shall see how tomorrow goes. ¬†Thanks for reading and your support.

Eve

I’m going to do something I don’t do a lot and that is talk about my depression. I’ve seen so many brave souls open up and share so much and realized sharing helps in many ways. Two main benefits are it helps the person release instead of blocking it and holding it inside, and it helps others realize they aren’t alone. My depression dragon has been with me for 30 some years. When I was 16 it got so bad I decided I didn’t want to be here. Fast forward to now. I’m 53 and the dragon still haunts me. It makes me question everything about myself and zaps all the energy away from me and everything looks and feels like shit. My answer is to hide from the world by going to bed. Going to bed at 7:30 at night sometimes and staying in bed until 2 pm. No desire to do anything. All I want during that time is quiet and not have to function. Turn the world off. Everything just turns into a big show where I’m the actor while inside I’m literal dying and hating life. I’m having a depression spell now and for some crazy reason, I thought why not battle the dragon instead of sleeping it away, and share it with the universe. So here I am. Tomorrow I start the battle and the plan is to blog every day for the next 4 to 5 days on it. I’ve got a box of tools I’m going to use and the goal is to document what’s working and what’s not working. The whole purpose of this exercise is to take ownership of my mental healing and start incorporating these tools into a daily routine. Spoiler alert: my tools don’t involve counseling or medication.

** Counseling and medication are excellent tools…just not for me. I mean no disrespect to those of you who partake. ***

I’ve tried counseling a few times and it hasn’t worked. And as far as medication goes I believe, for me, that I have everything already inside of me to be happy. I just have to tap back into it like I did naturally when I was a kid. So…we’ll see how this goes by making this public and myself accountable for battling my dragon. Stay tuned for tomorrow night where I write up my Day 1.