2019

I’ve never created a year end type summary post because quite frankly there hasn’t been a whole hell of a lot to “highlight”. This year though, I feel like my Phoenix spread it wings and started to lift off. Before I start I want say whole heartedly thank you all for your love and encouragement.

It’s one thing to come out of the ash knowing you are no longer the same. Taking flight is a whole other endeavor. It took 4 years of self imposed imprisonment for me to finally start to rise. As weird as it sounds, it wasn’t until my alimony and maintenance agreements were complete that I felt my sentence was lifted.

3 things I’m thankful for accomplishing in 2019

  1. Getting fricken sober! Can I get an amen from the choir. (Pausing for the amen now. Maybe even some whoop whoops). This completely pulled me out of the fog of my life from numbing and forced me to face my dragons and start working through my shit and see I’m lovable. I’m worthy. I have tons of love to give,
  2. Getting healthier. Emotionally and physically. These accomplishments all flow together like dominos. Being sober forced me into becoming aware and seeing facing the dragons is the only way forward. I kicked my ass halfway through the year for not making progress on losing some weight and made good gains in that area.
  3. Getting social. I forced myself past discomfort and now get out with other folks at least 4 to 5 times a week. I also just recently met someone who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with and am looking forward to continue to grow that relationship❤️

Along with all this, I feel like WE grew closer. Yes my little tribe of misfit cape crusaders have grown to a pretty neat tight group! I’m so grateful for you all in my life. This has been the best therapy for me becoming friends with you🤗. I’m starting to take flight and know this new decade will bring new experiences, joy, and growth for us all.

Thanks again,

Dwight

A single man at 53 with relationship questions

This will give you a good idea of where I’m at beIng single at 53. It’s a trip for sure.

Questions

Do you think you will fall in love again?

Do you have the energy to start a love relationship and keep it going?

Do you still get sparks/attracted to someone or do you dismiss it right away?

Do you feel like you could live with someone 24 x 7?

After living alone so long, could you put up with someone around having to talk to, plan things with, accept things that annoy you,…

How would it work dealing with their family?

Do you worry about growing old and alone and not having memories shared with someone?

Are we alone if we live by ourself but have many friends?

Do you crave a hug, your cheek kissed, …?

When was the last time you were intimate? Was it awkward? Were you scared?

Is it different when we don’t feel as attractive now compared to when were younger and more attractive?

Could you trust again?

Would you be walking on egg shells waiting for something to go wrong?

Would it end up being like many couples at restaurants sitting across from each other not talking?

What’s the worse thing that could happen if you tried to find love?

What’s the worst thing that could happen if you don’t try?


It seems to me all this was much easier when we were young. What are your thoughts?

Sending good vibes to you all,

Dwight

Give Love

Today was my hanging of the lights day. This was the first time in so many years, I can’t even remember, that I didn’t swill like a 100 beers afterwards to keep me in the holiday spirit. I’m full of gratefulness and plenty of love from you all that helps me fly solo without alcohol. I was reminded this morning though that this is indeed not always a joyous time of year for many.

My good friend Functioningguzzler posted today, Christmas is not festive for everyone. If your not familiar with FG please read her post and follow. Also, please send her love in the comments on her post. We have so much love in our community here and right now FG needs it.

❤️

Finding our new self

In the last two days, I’ve come across the reference to the Greek myth of labyrinth and the Minotaur. Once in the book Callings, Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy and a blog entry here on WordPress by Kachaiweb – Food.for.Thoughts. Now this isn’t something that usually happens to me coming across Greek myths.

It’s a story of Theseus slaying a beast in an underground labyrinth, and guiding himself out by a length of thread given to him by the king’s daughter, Ariadne. Allison Stieger wrote a wonderful article on this where I found the quote above:

https://www.creativitypost.com/article/myth_and_creativity_ariadnes_thread_and_a_path_through_the_labyrinth

As Allison says, “Monsters are often the guardians of treasure, who must be slain in order to bring the treasure out. In a creative journey, we must often find our way through a labyrinth. We take wrong turns, hit walls, get lost. Often, this is what must happen to find the creative treasure at the center of ourselves, that one thing that must be brought into the world through our creative efforts.

I know for myself and for many of you we feel like everyday we’re fighting a battle within. Many times the path ahead seems dark and bleak and we’re very much scared that if we go deeper we may not be able to return. I feel like these references pointing me back to this myth is indeed a sign to remind myself and you to keep finding the courage to take another step in our own labyrinth. This journey is so worth the rewards of finding our true self.

You are a treasure worth battling for,

Dwight

Secret tears

I have a secret. Well I guess it won’t be after posting, but here goes. Not sure what triggered this urge to share other then feeling much love from you all on some comments and the next thing I know this memory pops into my head.

While my daughter was in high school she participated in choir all 4 years. This involved me going to the auditorium twice a year to go see their performances. I indeed did support my daughter, but the thought of dragging myself out of my sanctuary was always a bit of a rub. This was also when I was binge drinking periodically so brews were off the table for those nights. It was also after my divorce, so sitting alone wasn’t something to look forward to. Sometimes I got lucky and my son would join us.

Anyway, I’d go. As the lights dimmed In the auditorium I’d start feeling more relaxed and my nerves would calm. One by one the girls would walk out and line up on the bleacher stand on the stage. I’d closely watch each one enter from the side checking to see if it was my Allie. Once they were ready the choral director would signal to the pianist. There would be a small pause and then the first note struck and then beautiful voices would fill the air.

At that very point each time, my heart and soul would just dance and melt together. It brought me back to my youth like a time warp. As I watched each young soul on stage I thought of their beautiful beautiful beautiful innocence. I heard the sound of love coming from their voices and was just overwhelmed. I’d wonder what would happen to them once they left high school and how would life treat them. Would their dreams come true? Did they have dreams? How was their life up to this point? All these thoughts flowed in my head with again such innocence and wonder in them. What such great potential and love I saw in each one. As their voices sang loud and soft so did I. The walls within me slowly fell away, if only briefly, and I saw the angelical light surround them all.

As I sat and listened in that auditorium, I was thankful for them and that the lights were dimmed. For each time tears would flow down my cheek❤️

Life is so good and so precious,

Dwight