Faded Jeans Living

To almost come to the end only to discover beyond the peak is yet another.

I feel a bit let down at this false summit, but in reality it isn’t that bit of a surprise.

Turning around to view my route I do swell up with ah and pride on the distanced traveled.

Broken open as I often say from my cocoon like a caterpillar discovering a whole new world with wings.

But as i turn back to the trail the new summit comes more and more into focus.

Standing here I realize I have opened up and let love in and out..But.

It’s at a point where I’ve regulated it to such a perfected level that is completely safe.

Dialed up, down, and in.

Have I created a new cocoon?

I have.

I’m scared as hell to lay myself out there to be rejected and hurt.

I’m scared as hell to hurt someone as I’ve been hurt.

I’m scared as hell looking up to where I must go.

It’s one thing to give and receive love on one level.

Quite another thing to open up wider and go deeper.

Will it be different this time?

To hold another hand.

To kiss another.

To slowly take down my veils.

To stand naked.

To become one.

It’s been so so long since that door has been open.

I know exactly where I’m at.

It’s comfortable right where I’m at in my new controlled cocoon.

It’s safe and easy.

And that scares the shit out of me.

That’s where I had been broken open  many miles back.

The signs are all here.

The tiny flashes and bits of sparks.

I’m scared as hell, but know I’m being pulled toward this new summit.

Do I have the courage?

How could I not?

It was gifted at birth.

Meant to be.

To soar!

I’m still  scared…

But I think it may be time.