Faded Jeans Living

Not sure how this will flow, but possibly writing will clarify.  I’m currently in the process of “flipping it”.  Not sure what else to use to define it.  Something has finally seeped through to the point where I’m picking up on it has to start on the inside.  To be clearer – I have to love myself from within.  Within meaning my heart which is true compared to my head which is …well a whole other story.  Yes yes yes we all have heard this, but for me, I’m a very slow learner.

I’ve been watching and listening to all the traffic in my head and frankly, it ain’t too pretty and it’s not “me”.  It’s just noise I’ve allowed for whatever reasons to ramble on and on.  The kicker is it’s not me because the love I have within is not being conveyed at all.  Once I stopped grasping onto one of these silly thoughts and letting it suck me up for hours…life started to get better.  This is still a work in progress for sure, but now I either let the thoughts pass or just tell them fuck off that’s not true.

The “me” part of my heart is finally coming out of the shadows.  It’s like I’m back on Smith Drive, another post I did, and life is good…I’m good and there was no nonsense flying through my brain.  So from within I now whisper I am love.  I am good.  This probably sounds like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, but how often has your brain been telling you just the opposite?? This helps me.  I start from within and then let it out.  Instead of being bombarded by the outside…society, work, monkey brain,…I’m trying to flip it and do the opposite.  I’m thinking of a turtle but that probably isn’t a great analogy.  It’s not like I’m going to ignore what’s happening outside of me, BUT I will choose how I will react from a whole new perspective.

I never realized how much bullshit I’ve let affect me, knock me down, and almost make me believe things that just aren’t true.  Just all made up in my small brain.

Fresh eyes.  Fresh heart.  Looking out from within.  We’ll see how this works out.  Stop re-Acting.  Start a new.