When I say initial it’s only been 19 days, but coming off tipping brews for 40 years this is quite the change. I haven’t had any real physical reactions being AF and attitude wise I’ve been pretty pumped up, BUT… I have noticed this slithering around me in my shadows:
– I’ve been noticing in the last few weeks I’m oversensitive and have been overreacting quite a bit. This leads to anger. Who knows right, I may have been experiencing this forever and am now just figuring this out being out of the fog. I’ve thought it over and over and each day I got closer and closer to naming it. My anger is coming from my shame and regret. I realize this is all natural, it doesn’t make it any easier.
I played the whole alcohol game for 40 years. From never giving myself a fighting chance, to marriage, kids, divorce, divorced kids, heartbroken, and debt. All heavily influenced by alcohol. I do love that I finally figure it out, my life and health is improving, and I’d NEVER GO BACK. It’s just that bitter taste. I’ve heard the phrase, sometimes you never get over it, but you get through it.
I wasn’t ready until now, I get that. I’m already telling myself I did awesome for figuring it out now, but for right now there is that bitter taste. So I’m doing my work and going to my shadows. It’s not easy and I realize that. It will take time for sure.
One last thing I’d like to say. For all of you doing this AF work (or considering it) in your 20s, 30s, and 40s I so applaud you! Its fucking hard work and some of the environments you find yourself in at that stage make it even harder. No way around it. You though are so courageous and smart for taking these steps to be AF now and not in your 50s. The work will free YOU and allow your “YourNameHere”Ness to shine as it was intended to. If applicable, it may save a marriage and allow you to be proud of doing everything you could do for your kids, OR If applicable, becoming AF may allow you to free yourself from a bad situation.
This isn’t being written for any pity. It’s just my observation of me and maybe it will help others. Also, for those going AF later in life you will know your not that only one with these feelings.
I’m going to continue to grow, learn, and rock this new life!! From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for all your love and support!
* For those interested in learning more about alcohol and possibly exploring going AF check out these resources
- Read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace