sober

2019

/ Dwight Hyde / 36 Comments

I’ve never created a year end type summary post because quite frankly there hasn’t been a whole hell of a lot to “highlight”. This year though, I feel like my Phoenix spread it wings and started to lift off. Before I start I want say whole heartedly thank you all for your love and encouragement.

It’s one thing to come out of the ash knowing you are no longer the same. Taking flight is a whole other endeavor. It took 4 years of self imposed imprisonment for me to finally start to rise. As weird as it sounds, it wasn’t until my alimony and maintenance agreements were complete that I felt my sentence was lifted.

3 things I’m thankful for accomplishing in 2019

  1. Getting fricken sober! Can I get an amen from the choir. (Pausing for the amen now. Maybe even some whoop whoops). This completely pulled me out of the fog of my life from numbing and forced me to face my dragons and start working through my shit and see I’m lovable. I’m worthy. I have tons of love to give,
  2. Getting healthier. Emotionally and physically. These accomplishments all flow together like dominos. Being sober forced me into becoming aware and seeing facing the dragons is the only way forward. I kicked my ass halfway through the year for not making progress on losing some weight and made good gains in that area.
  3. Getting social. I forced myself past discomfort and now get out with other folks at least 4 to 5 times a week. I also just recently met someone who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with and am looking forward to continue to grow that relationship❤️

Along with all this, I feel like WE grew closer. Yes my little tribe of misfit cape crusaders have grown to a pretty neat tight group! I’m so grateful for you all in my life. This has been the best therapy for me becoming friends with you🤗. I’m starting to take flight and know this new decade will bring new experiences, joy, and growth for us all.

Thanks again,

Dwight

Fall update

/ Dwight Hyde / 17 Comments

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Fall!

I thought I’d provide an update on how all is going.  I started a Gerontology class about a month ago.  It goes for two semesters and I’ll end up with a certificate.  I’ve always been interested in working with the Aging and after reading Marc Freedman’s book, Encore:  Finding Work that Matters in the second half of life, I felt motivated to start looking into careers I could do that have a direct social “good” impact on humankind.  Over 25 years ago when I was in college,  I had made the decision to follow the money and go down the tech path even though back then I was interested in gerontology.  Now as I start looking for my second career,  I am in a position where I can explore different options that makes my soul smile.  It’s exciting.  It may not be for another 5 years,  but I thought why not explore now.  Marc’s book is a great read and I highly recommend it.  It’s about giving back to society and much much more.  Our generation hasn’t exactly made this planet a better place, but we still have time to leave a legacy we’re proud of.

I’m making good process on my emotional eating after getting sober.  I’m down approx. 15 pounds overall for the year.  It definitely has taken all the discipline I have, but more crucial looking into more of the Why I need “something” to escape my reality.  Understanding I’m not my thoughts and becoming the watcher has helped.   I’ve learned more about this with Michael Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul:  The Journey Beyond Yourself.  ….boy I’m plugging a lot of books,  eh :  )

Last month, was the last month for me paying maintenance and child support to my ex.  It’s probably a touchy topic for many who follow me, so I won’t be shooting off any fireworks.  Obviously, that frees up money that I now can put toward my debt.  As many of you know when I got divorced I had to get a loan from my mother, so I basically didn’t have to go bankrupt.  I’m happy to say that I’ll have that loan paid off at the end of November and be totally out of debt other than my house payment.  This is a whole new concept for me being debt-free.  Crazy how long it has taken me to figure it all out.  I’m 53.  I guess it’s not really crazy.  I’m a slow learner and always learn the hard way.

I just opened my I’m Done Drinking app and it reads I’ve been sober 234 days.  Things are going well on that front.  I don’t have cravings and am enjoying the clarity and hangover-free mornings.  You have to understand though it took me over 40 years to quit. I stopped, started,  repeated…many many times.  This year though it finally came to the point of being done for good and not looking back.  I cheer anyone who is on this journey!!!

That’s about it.  Been loving up the fall and getting out on hikes.  I feel like I’m supposed to be getting more social, but that push is more like a “living up to society” requirement and not one of my own right now.  We’ll see….

 

Sending Loving Vibes,

Dwight

Six Months Sober

/ Dwight Hyde / 28 Comments

I thought 6 months of being sober after drinking for 40 years warranted a post. Plus I thought for those starting down this path that hopefully there may be some information that would resonate with what their experiencing. When I quit drinking I was more then ready. There was much guilt the day after a binge session plus way to many hangovers. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me in any fashion at all. There was also my soul laying down a slow steady bass beat in the background of give yourself a chance Dwight. At 53, I had been leaning on alcohol since I was 13. I had so many Day Ones I couldn’t even count. But this time around I was truly onboard.

I started my sobriety 3 plus years out from my divorce after being married for 16 years with two kids. I was making some progress on digesting that whole crushing scene plus I had less then 1 year left on paying off $35,5000 in debt. Coming up out of those low valleys encouraged me to take on my alcohol dragon. My first month of being sober I pumped myself up by reading tons of books on quitting alcohol. Reading everyone’s story with eventually happy endings definitely helped push me along. It was like when you first start off on a new job or exercise program your all jazzed and usually surrounded by other like minded people. I joined a forum and just immersed myself into this new world of how to be sober. I didn’t go down the AA route because for me I have my own hang ups with religion and the 12 steps. That’s just me though. I’ve read many books and follow many bloggers where it works for them and I fricken applaud them. The one book for me that really helped with the transition was by Annie Grace called This Naked Mind. I’ll do anther post on that someday. So yeah, the first month I was cleaning out my body from the poison and feeling pretty darn excited.

At about at 3 weeks the “glitz” wasn’t shining as much.  The realization came that I no longer had my tool to escape from reality.  All of my main issues around depression, debt, divorce, health, insecurities…. were still there plus now I was feeling guilt on how alcohol had harmed me for all those years.  Also, I had to back away from the sober community I joined, because seeing so many folks repeat day 1 over and over was almost like a trigger for me and I certainly didn’t want to go down that path anymore.  What I did do though is start following some sober bloggers here in WordPress who had been successful being sober for some time and that has helped me tremendously.

I won’t go month by month but needless to say it’s a shit load of hard work!  Hard work that I’m so grateful for!!  Not being able to check out when life or my thoughts start fucking with me was extremely difficult.  Just sitting there and finally for once in my life just looking straight at it and dealing with it sober took everything I had.  The good news is I’m getting better at it and each time I feel a bitter better about myself and I’ll just say it – Proud!

One thing I learned was that many of us who stop drinking including myself pick other  coping mechanisms.  Mine was emotional eating and I’m currently working my ass off , literally, on curbing that.  This inner work is a trip and the ego is a nasty little fuck!

So at 6 months I’m feeling so much more love for myself and know I’ll never go back.  My soul is smiling more each day and my confidence is growing. The support and bonding here on WordPress is just priceless.  I know I still have a lot of work to do, but now I’m taking control of my life,  living my life sober, and discovering a new power within.  I hope that for all of you.

* For those interested in learning more about alcohol and possibly exploring going AF check out these resources and blogs

  1. Read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
  2. https://www.thisnakedmindcommunity.com
  3. https://learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration
  4. https://functioningguzzler.wordpress.com
  5. https://untipsyteacher.com
  6. https://sobrietytree.com
  7. http://bumpyyear.blog
  8. https://storminawineglass.com

Motivation:

LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE YOU’RE THE HERO IN YOUR MOVIE – Joe Rogan FightMediocrity

It’s never to late. I’m making this my fucking comeback story and YES for once I’m the Hero!!!

If you have questions or comments you don’t want to post here you can always email me at dwight@FadedJeansLiving,com

Thank you for reading and your support!