Over Sharing

Photo by israel palacio on Unsplash

As many of you know, I’m a huge sharer out here in Blogville. I’ve always listened to my soul, wrote from the heart, clicked publish, and received much love and support. My thought process is to be as authentic as possible, because there most likely are others folks out here that have experienced the same thing and speaking up connects us and makes us feel less alone.

Well last week I shared a vulnerable moment with my wellness group I belong to and it was basically nothing but crickets. My anxiety went through the roof! I’m not sure why I was so surprised, since leading up to this I can see now that my prior shares with them weren’t exactly connecting either. I got to go walk with a good friend the next day and hash it all out and basically realized that’s just life. With some folks you will connect and bond and with others you won’t so much. And that’s okay.

With this other group I have been growing on so many levels, I just assumed they’d be an open loving sounding board. I can’t put my finger on how I misjudged. They are younger then me and possibly just couldn’t relate yet. I obviously don’t know that ..just a gut feeling.

So I thought more and more on it. Out here I didn’t start off as a sharer and heck was even anonymous for a short period. It took a good bit to build up my courage and get a vibe that I’d be supported. A longer dance if you will. I had just assumed it would be the same with this other group, but it has only been a couple of months since I joined. Ha, writing this sounds like I had a few dates with someone I thought was special and then it went cold. I guess in a way that’s the way it played out. We’ll still be friends though.😀

Like I said I’ve been growing in so many other ways that I definitely want to keep moving forward with them, but it was definitely eye opening. I just realized I won’t always connect on deep levels with everyone and maybe be a bit more cautious prior to throwing “it” all out there. For example with my breakfast club with the guys we don’t go to that level, nor do I try with my coworkers. I definitely learned from this experience.

There was one other main thing I discovered, but I’m still exploring and shaking out that theme so I’ll comment on that possibly in the future.

Has anyone else experienced something like this in a group setting?

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Peace,

Dwight🦋

22 responses to “Over Sharing”

  1. I get it Dwight! Everyone has their own level of perception, and if we hit deeper that what they can perceive, we receive a ‘deer in the headlights’ look. It’s nothing bad, but it does tend to haunt us afterwards. That’s how we discover who is on our level, so we’ll know our level of sharing. Not everyone will get it, especially with the growth rate you’re in right now, but it may just inspire them to do some growing of their own. I think you’re wonderful and encourage you to keep being you!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Yes, I really understand. I share my heart too. And sometimes, like this week, I fell into depression/anxiety about asking something of family.
    Just a strange feeling.
    But Ralph is right. Today is here.
    You are doing a wonderful job just sharing your life and passions.
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I am an over-sharer with very little filter and it took me until at least my mid 30’s to realize not all people are like this and will keep things hidden (how?! still a mystery to me!) But I tend to do my sharing mostly offline so at least am more able to read cues that way. But also – there is no way to connect with everyone – so just keep throwing out your authentic self and you will stick with the right people!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I think you’re brave and courageous Dwight and these younger guys may not have got it but will maybe learn something about it being ok to be vulnerable from you – I used to struggle to keep much in but sometimes I hide away too – trying for balance these days too! Love the poem! 😘😘

    Like

  5. So Dwight, you know I’m an artist, right? My artwork is “deep” and “brave” (not my words) because it deals with human rights abuses. So when I put a piece out there, I never know how a viewer is going to respond. Some people say I’m wrong, or I don’t have a right to deal with the subject, or whatever. I’ve even had work vandalised (one of my favourite responses, actually). They’re basically processing the fact that I’ve put something out there and they are upset so they attack the messenger. Since I know this to begin with, I am not hurt by their response. Their response to what I’m “saying” is their own. Some people aren’t in a place to hear what you’ve got to say. That’s fine. That’s not your responsibility. However, as the messenger or storyteller I do have a responsibility to think about what i hope to achieve by putting difficult stuff out there in public. I don’t go into a restaurant where people are trying to visit with their family and have a nice meal and make a big show about something controversial or difficult. That is me imposing on other people, the diners and the staff in the restaurant. You dont’ say what this group was organised to accomplish, but maybe what you shared pulled the programme too far off topic? I work with a disability organisation and I don’t bring my family issues or political views into that work. It distracts and gives my colleagues more mental work when we’ve got enough to do already dealing with disability rights. Some of my colleagues know me a bit more and that was built very slowly over a couple years. There can be a fear too that someone who is loose with their own privacy won’t respect other people’s privacy. Example in my case is my mother in law shares too much really private gossip about people we don’t even know. So the fear is she is also sharing very private stories about me or my family with people we don’t know. My parents have in the past actually told me explicitly not to tell things to my MIL. This might not be the deal with your group obviously or relate to your exchange there. Just one example of why “over sharing” can make people nervous, it’s triggered something in them and you probably won’t ever know what that is. You can row back from the awkward by just apologising the next time you all meet, something like you’re sorry if what you said made folks feel awkward and maybe make a joke about how social skills take a lifetime to learn or something, and leave it at that. If the group is still too chilly towards you after your apology, go find a different group and chalk it up as a lesson learned. It’ll be okay. Go do something fun with people who fully know you and balance it out. It could be what you shared will actually take the group to a new level and your vulnerability was needed to burst the safety bubble. Who knows? Live your life, focus on the people who care about you and do what you feel you were put here to do in this life.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sometimes it’s hard to know how to respond to a highly personal moment that someone shares. Did you ask a question or make a statement? Describing a situation then asking – what would you have done? or even – do you think that’s weird? offers a clearer opening than just sharing and the other people perhaps not knowing how to respond without causing further hurt. Or they just might take much longer to get to the stage you are at.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dwiiiiiiiiiiight! I’m so sorry you had this experience! I think all these comments are perfect and so glad you blogged about this to receive all these helpful comments. I definitely think on a deeper level than I ever have. Could be the age thing too as in my younger years I didn’t think too deep. I’m happy you had a friend to walk and talk about it with. I love how it was said above to keep throwing your authentic self out there! I’m mostly a keep to myself person and I completely can relate to this experience, it happened to me with a friend years ago and I didn’t see it coming. I totally admire your courage to share something personal! You keep growing and growing on all levels! Have a kick ass day work out buddy and remember YOU’RE AWESOME!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Aw, friend. I think the process of getting sober and healing makes us brave and vulnerable and open with others. We’ve lost the protective shell we used to hide behind, and while that’s a good thing, some in the world are not ready for us truth tellers and light sharers. It’s a good reminder, that not everyone is as evolved or honest with their perspectives. Brene Brown talks about being vulnerable and sharing our stories, but only with those who have earned the right to hear it. I think we’ve all learned this the hard way in some way, shape or form. Keep moving forward with your loving self, keeping in mind that worthy listeners are sometimes hard to find. Hugs to you, my lovely friend. 💛🌟

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Collette. You are so right! I appreciate your encouragement always. One of the guys from the group privately reached out to me yesterday saying he so appreciated my honesty, enthusiasm, and heart. It’s like many have said you just never know … even when it’s silent the love sent out will still do it’s “work”.❤️

      Like

  9. Aww Dwight, I’ve been there. Overshared to an audience of crickets which was really uncomfortable for me. I get it and I’m sorry this happened to you. Sometimes you just ca’n’t predict how people will respond when we wear our heart on our sleeve. But we’re all here with you! Big hugs…

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Letitgocoach Cancel reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: