Faded Jeans Living

Just start walking.

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Fifty days into retirement, the biggest thing I’m noticing is all the traffic in my mind about what I should be doing. It’s definitely uncharted territory. Even though I have my finances somewhat in order and hobbies lined up, there’s still this underlying sense that I’m drifting sideways instead of moving forward, and that I’m not doing it the “right” way—or that there even is a right way—when I know this is just a process.

Sundays are interesting. There’s still that work mindset that tries to creep in—the old feeling that Monday is coming and I need to be ready for it. I actually have to stop myself and say, “Hey, dude, I don’t work anymore.” That part is slowly fading.

What I didn’t expect were some of the identity emotions that come with no longer being a programmer analyst. For years, professionally, that’s what I did. I solved problems, worked on a team, and updated the UCHealth app. I was a developer. Now it brings up the question: what is my craft now? I’ve got a good twenty-plus years in this encore phase, and right now I’m clueless what it’s going to look like—but I have faith it will get clearer as I go, and I’ll slowly get my feet underneath me.

Another thing I’m noticing is just the sheer number of hours in a day. To be honest, it’s a little overwhelming, even with hobbies and my daily list of activities. That’s a lot of time I’m not accustomed to. Some days, it feels like the hours stretch endlessly. It’s a strange mix of freedom and responsibility—freedom to explore, but responsibility to make the time meaningful. Learning to pace myself and not feel guilty for simply being is proving to be its own practice. And what the hell is this “just being” all about anyway? It’s a concept I’ve heard a lot, but actually sitting with it—without doing, planning, or checking something off—is proving a lot harder than I thought.

My typical day right now is working on my mind, body, and soul. For my mind, I’m learning and practicing German and continue to read a lot. For my body, I’m doing cardio and weights. And for my soul—still figuring that part out—but it shows up in small ways, like walks with Alice and trying to connect with the universe a bit more.

Then there’s the other side of it: what I think I should be doing. There are a lot of things around the house and outside the house that I haven’t started. Things I tell myself I should be working on, but I’m not.

I think I’m on the right path. Obviously—how could I not be on the right path. People talk about having your finances, hobbies, and connections in order before you retire, and that all matters. But beyond that, it’s a very personal experience. Only you can walk that part, and only you can really speak to it.

For now, I’m just navigating it one step at a time—learning to quiet my mind, ease up on myself, and give myself a little grace.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m definitely happy to be in this new phase of my life. But yeah… it’s definitely a trip!

Jocko: “You have to start waking … the ‘thing’ is not going to come to you.”

https://youtu.be/z0CCtUpDomo?si=9_7NI600Jihoy-e4

-Dwight