Men’s Work #1: Building Brotherhood for Life
“We help men grow, because the world needs grown up, mature, and powerful men.”
— ManKind Project
“We need same-sex friends because there are types of validation and acceptance that we receive only from our gendermates. There is much about our experience as men that can only be shared with, and understood by, other men. There are stories we can tell only to those who have wrestled in the dark with the same demons and been wounded by the same angels. Only men understand the secret fears that go with the territory of masculinity.”
— Sam Keen, Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man
On February 16th, 2026—five days after I retired—I received an email from the ManKind Project inviting me to take training to build and join an online men’s group. The timing couldn’t have been better.
I’ve always craved a deeper connection with men than the typical “coffee talk” conversations I’ve had for years. Those surface-level friendships have always felt like a bit of a rub for me. I wanted something more real.
According to the ManKind Project, men’s groups are designed to help men move out of isolation and into deeper connection, honesty, and purpose. The core reasons men join include breaking out of isolation and not carrying life alone, building authentic and lasting relationships with other men, having a space for honesty and emotional openness, discovering and living with greater purpose, receiving accountability and support for growth and change, developing emotional maturity, and becoming better partners, fathers, and leaders in their communities.
So I said yes to the Universe, signed up, and we began a 10-week course on learning how to create a Circle of Men group.
Originally, there were about 10 of us. The topics included:
- Safety and agreements
- Listening and speaking
- Archetypes: King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover
- Roles and leadership
- Basic rounds of a meeting
- Constructive conversations
- Honoring differences
- Dealing with conflict
- Future plans for the group
After 10 weeks, 3 men had dropped out, and the 7 of us who remained decided to move forward. We became the North Star Brotherhood.
It’s funny—when I was in Army boot camp, the drill sergeant, while marching, made us yell: “I like it here, I love it here, I finally found a home.” Now I understand what that means in a different way.
This group is a sacred, safe place. I deeply respect it, so I can only speak from my own experience and will never share what takes place there. What I can say is that after each meeting I feel a little more whole, a little more complete—like something in me is finally settling, like my soul is no longer trying to carry everything alone.
There’s truth in what Sam Keen wrote. Some things can only be understood by other men. I never realized the power of being witnessed by men who don’t try to fix you, but simply nod and say, I get you, brother.
That changes something in a man.
I’m no longer the only one.
As a Gen X male, I haven’t had much of this experience before, and I’m realizing many other men—from young to old—haven’t either. That feels like more than a shame. It feels like something we’re being called to change.
What’s happening in me is a growing sense of wholeness—not something I’ve figured out alone, but something I’m experiencing in a circle of men doing the same work: showing up honestly, telling the truth, and learning how to carry life together.
Over the next 12 weeks, I’ll be writing one post a week as part of my own learning and reflection on men’s work. Each one is part of what I’m still discovering.
Please pass this on to other men who might be interested.
Thank you,
Dwight
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