Faded Jeans Living

Men’s Work #2: A Question Worth Asking

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“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
— Epictetus

Growing up, I wasn’t given a clear roadmap for what it meant to be a good man. We weren’t a religious family, and I grew up in the blue-collar town of Massena, New York, where bars seemed more common than places to learn about character.

My dad taught me the value of hard work and many other things that helped shape the man I became. Looking back, I realize he was doing the best he could with what life had taught him. Considering the hardships he faced as a boy, it’s remarkable the kind of man he became. He gave me far more than he’d been given. Like all of us, though, he was perfectly imperfect, and I learned from both what he gave me and what he couldn’t.

So, at 60 years old, I found myself asking a simple question: What is men’s work?

To answer it, I began researching the topic and comparing what I discovered with my own life experiences. This post is the beginning of that exploration. I don’t claim to have the answers. I’m simply inviting you to explore the question alongside me.

What Men’s Work Isn’t

Men’s work isn’t about blaming women.

It isn’t about becoming more masculine—or less masculine.

It isn’t group therapy.

It isn’t about fixing broken men.

It isn’t about having all the answers.

What Men’s Work Is

To me, men’s work is the intentional practice of becoming a more honest, courageous, accountable, and connected man.

It isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about removing the layers that keep us from becoming who we truly are.

For me, that means looking inward with honesty, taking responsibility for my life, and making small, intentional changes that help me become more authentic each day.

It can look like:

• Learning to tell the truth
• Taking responsibility
• Building authentic friendships
• Having deeper conversations
• Being vulnerable
• Healing old wounds
• Becoming emotionally mature
• Living with purpose

Why It Matters

Many men quietly carry burdens they rarely talk about:

• Loneliness
• Shame
• Fear
• Regret
• A lingering feeling that something is missing.

Those burdens don’t simply disappear with time. Left unexamined, they shape our relationships, influence our decisions, and quietly determine the direction of our lives.

For most of my life, I believed strength meant handling everything myself. It wasn’t until I sat in a circle of men who weren’t trying to impress one another that I began to understand men’s work. The answers weren’t found in pretending to have it all together. They were found in honesty, accountability, and the willingness to look inward.

Maybe men’s work isn’t about changing who you are.
Maybe it’s about removing everything that’s kept the best of you from shining through.

If you’ve ever felt like something was missing—even if you couldn’t put it into words—perhaps that’s where the work begins.

-Dwight

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