Men’s Work #11: The Man Within
Photo by Levi Meir Clancy on Unsplash
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena…”
— Teddy Roosevelt
What does it mean to embrace our masculinity?
Is it being tough? Successful? Having a beard, driving a big truck, hunting, drinking everyone under the table?
It’s obviously something deeper than that.
I found it interesting what different men have said about masculinity — men from very different backgrounds, different decades, different worlds. And while they use different words, they seem to keep coming back to the same ideas.
Strength. Robert Greene describes masculinity as an inner strength — being anchored in yourself and secure enough that you don’t have to keep proving you’re a man.
Courage. Orion Taraban puts it bluntly: a man needs a spine and some balls. Know what you believe. Stand for it. And have the courage to live with the consequences when others don’t agree.
Responsibility. Jordan Peterson talks a lot about this. Take responsibility for yourself. Become competent. Take care of what you’ve chosen to carry. Don’t wait for someone else to fix your life.
Integrity. Know what you stand for and live by it, even when nobody’s watching. Your word means something because your actions match it.
Brotherhood. We aren’t meant to do this alone. When men connect with and challenge one another, we learn, grow, and become better men. We have a place to be known, to be real, to show our vulnerabilities, and to know we’re not carrying everything by ourselves. There is strength in that kind of connection.
Self-control. Strength isn’t about never feeling anger, fear, or sadness. It’s being able to feel those things without letting them control you.
Compassion. Strength without compassion can become cruelty. A good man uses his strength to help, protect, and care for the people and things that matter to him. Being open to love, connection, and feeling deeply doesn’t make a man weaker. It can be part of his strength.
Authenticity. Orion Taraban talks about “performance masculinity” — the costumes, postures, and behaviors we sometimes use to show the world that we’re men. We can mistake the performance for genuine masculinity. Real masculinity isn’t about proving we’re men. It starts with knowing who we are and having the courage to show up as that man, even when others don’t like it.
Humility. A man doesn’t have to know everything. He can admit when he’s wrong, listen when he’s challenged, and learn from another man without feeling diminished by it.
Contribution. Greene talks about masculine energy as something that wants to build and create. A man’s worth isn’t measured by what he can show off. It’s what he does with what he’s been given. It’s also about what he creates, protects, and helps grow — not just for himself, but for the people around him.
And maybe that’s what ties all of this together: the willingness to keep becoming.
None of us gets it completely right. We stumble. We lose our temper. We hide when we should stand up. We sometimes choose our ego over our values.
That’s the arena.
Not getting it right. Staying in it.
For me, this masculine energy just is. There is a power in it that already knows what is right and wrong, what is good and bad, what is true, and what is my truth. It challenges me to show up with my whole truth and have the courage to let it unfold.
Embracing our masculinity is about becoming the man we were intended to be all along.
-Dwight
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