growth

2019

/ Dwight Hyde / 26 Comments

I’ve never created a year end type summary post because quite frankly there hasn’t been a whole hell of a lot to “highlight”. This year though, I feel like my Phoenix spread it wings and started to lift off. Before I start I want say whole heartedly thank you all for your love and encouragement.

It’s one thing to come out of the ash knowing you are no longer the same. Taking flight is a whole other endeavor. It took 4 years of self imposed imprisonment for me to finally start to rise. As weird as it sounds, it wasn’t until my alimony and maintenance agreements were complete that I felt my sentence was lifted.

3 things I’m thankful for accomplishing in 2019

  1. Getting fricken sober! Can I get an amen from the choir. (Pausing for the amen now. Maybe even some whoop whoops). This completely pulled me out of the fog of my life from numbing and forced me to face my dragons and start working through my shit and see I’m lovable. I’m worthy. I have tons of love to give,
  2. Getting healthier. Emotionally and physically. These accomplishments all flow together like dominos. Being sober forced me into becoming aware and seeing facing the dragons is the only way forward. I kicked my ass halfway through the year for not making progress on losing some weight and made good gains in that area.
  3. Getting social. I forced myself past discomfort and now get out with other folks at least 4 to 5 times a week. I also just recently met someone who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with and am looking forward to continue to grow that relationship❤️

Along with all this, I feel like WE grew closer. Yes my little tribe of misfit cape crusaders have grown to a pretty neat tight group! I’m so grateful for you all in my life. This has been the best therapy for me becoming friends with you🤗. I’m starting to take flight and know this new decade will bring new experiences, joy, and growth for us all.

Thanks again,

Dwight

Halfway through 2019. Mr. Bull has a few words.

/ Dwight Hyde / 8 Comments

Well you’re probably saying to yourself that’s a hell of a way to start a post! I couldn’t agree more. As promised, I posted a few weeks ago this quote that really resonated with me and said a future post on it is coming.

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.”

– Elizabeth Gilbert

So being we’re halfway through 2019, I’m going to call out some of my bullshit in areas in my life I’m supposedly working on. This post isn’t intended by any means to get loving don’t beat yourself up Dwight comments. In fact any get off your ass comments would be much appreciated and much respected!!

Here goes in no special order the things I wanted to make process on this year:

Lose 25 pounds

Mr. Bull: That’s Bullshit! You haven’t committed to one diet or plan of attack. You got Oreos in the fridge and junk food in the cupboards. When the hell are you going to bust a move on this? You can fricken do it if you just put your mind to it and tell that tummy to chilllll.

Get fit

Mr. Bull: That’s Bullshit! You have consistently been inconsistent on your workouts. You know what to do and have the tools to use. Start way way small and start building up a routine.

Get more social (like in person)

Mr. Bull: That’s Bullshit! You’ve had maybe 4 social outings this year. You haven’t pushed yourself in this area at all. You stay home in your comfort zone wishing for friends you can do things with. I know it’s “hard” for you, but come on man so is being lonely. Believe it or not there are people out there that are looking for the same things you are – real friends.

Battle my dragons (depression)

Mr. Bull: That’s Bullshit! You started off the year great taking on the fight and even documenting some of the tools here, BUT again you’re not using these tool in a daily practice as you KNOW that’s what it takes.

There’s probably more but to be honest I’m quite tired of all this bullshit🤪. Come the end of 2019 I’m go to make big gains in these areas and tell Mr. Bull to go frick off and don’t come back.

Any other bullshitters out there? Let’s get it done and motivate each other.

Hell Yah,

Dwight

* Reminder – you can’t be kind or give Mr. Bull an inch!

Being an adult is hard!

/ Dwight Hyde / 19 Comments

Yep.  Being an adult is hard!!!  Especially after  being spoon fed the great consumer marketing campaign from birth.  I want I want….I deserve I deserve…

Ego:  I want that cold piece of pizza for breakfast.  It’s right there.  It’s easy.

Soul:  Shut the hell up.  That shit is not the way you want to start off your day.  Tons of processed ingredients not mention the calories.  Grow the hell up.

 

Ego:  But this afternoon we’re going to swill a truck load of beer.  You deserve it man.  Little Zepplin playing, some sun and fun brother!

Soul:  Shut the hell up!  Yah yah yah.  You escape for maybe an hour and then the poison kicks in and not only are you more depressed, you’ve blown a whole afternoon getting wasted, and in about 6 hour you’ll wake up from your drunk slumber and will be hungover and regretting your drunken actions.  More guilt.  Nope.  Not going to happen.

 

Ego:  Okay.  Okay.  But lets go buy something.  You could really use a newer vehicle.  You’re driving a 1992 Jeep Cherokee for gods sake.  Have you seen the vehicles in the high school students parking lot lately.  They’re driving 2018 vehicles that blow yours away and they are teenagers!!

Soul:  Shut the hell up!  I’ve heard and experienced  all of your lies on how “things” will make me happier.  They fucking don’t!  All they do is steal my hard earned money.  Not going to happen.  I’m working smarter now and I don’t need things!!

 

Ego:  Man!  Easy easy.  Okay.  Okay.  You’re right.  You are right!  I’ve been wrong, all along, and you have your shit together.  I mean look at you.  You’ve been working so hard and doing everything right.  Lets reward our self.  You deserve it.  How about we just lay around this weekend and take it easy.

Soul:  Shut the hell up!  I know what you’re trying to do.  We got work to do and as soon as I stop doing my daily habits all hell breaks loose in my life all because of you and your bullshit.  We’re getting off our ass and getting er done.  You hear me!!!

 

Ego:  You shut the hell up!  You’re ugly, lazy, in debt, will be lonely forever with no women in site!  Your life is a big waste and you my friend are pathetic!  I’m just trying to help you.

Soul:  I’m sorry you are so scared.  I know you see me getting stronger and healthier and it feels like you are getting shoved out.  I can no longer listen to your nonsense.  I was intended into the universe by a great power and that’s all I need to know.  I was meant to be here.  I was meant to shine.  I was meant to bring my “dwightness” to this world and that’s what I’m going to do.  You can either work with me or go away.

 

It’s hard to be an adult, but it’s so worth it.  Love never fails.  Grow up and start loving yourself!  You are worthy!!

 

*It’s a bit interesting my last name is Hyde.  Yes, a bit of Jekyll and Hyde today for your reading pleasure : )

Till Next Time

/ Dwight Hyde / 12 Comments

How do you slay a dragon when it brings forth fire breathing depression on your ass? First, you find the courage to face it. Second, you use every tool you have in your arsenal. Third, it’s impossible to completely slay, but the sooner you deal with it the sooner you start feeling better. For me, the depression starts getting smaller and smaller and eventually flies away. I know it will come again, but next time I will be more prepared.

Tools I used the last 4 days battling my dragon:

  • This online community
  • Stabilize sleep patterns
  • Drink apple cider vinegar
  • Decaf coffee
  • Morning stretches
  • Cold showers
  • Taking dogs and me for walks
  • Meditation
  • Give thanks/prayer
  • Strength training
  • Exercise bike
  • Turmeric tea
  • Fasting
  • Being kind to self
  • Cleaned my house
  • Spend time with loved ones

Summary:

This time around I forced myself to deal with it by making the commitment and documenting it here. Usually I would of road it out hiding in bed with a pillow over my head. I didn’t succeed every day, but each day the tools helped me emotionally and physically which relieved some of the pressure of depression. One insight was my sleep patterns need much help. I had one night where I got 5 straight hours of sleep and felt like a different person. Imagine 6 hours straight🤪. After much thought, I am going to inquire from my doc about going to a sleep lab. Lastly, I’m discovering the food I consume definitely comes into play with all of this. I need to get disciplined in that area for sure. I’m going to also explore incorporating fasting once every so often. It did seem to help like a type of cleanse.

On Day 1, I was regretting making this commitment to myself and you all. Now it’s Day 5 and I’m so glad I did it. Who knows maybe in the future you’ll see more “daily journal” posts on healthy eating or working on my sleep. I’m very grateful for all of you reading, commenting, and supporting me these last days. Thank you🤗

Best Wishes,

Dwight❤️