The Dark Night of the Soul

I was recently watching a video dealing with fear and in it this women stated, “We really really are our own worst critics and quite cruel and mean to ourselves. We start to question ourselves, doubt ourselves. I think that was me. I couldn’t go on any further. It was really quite painful to come up against a lot of self-criticism and judgement, felt like a dark night of the soul”.

This intrigued me. It was my introduction. I wrote it down. What is the concept of dark night of the soul? Many references point back to the poet and mystic St. John of the Cross of the 16 century who wrote a commentary titled The Dark Night. It describes a spiritual crises in the journey toward union with god.

Others describe it as:

“The dark night of the soul is when you have lost the flavor of life but have not yet gained the fullness of divinity. So it is that we must weather that dark time, the period of transformation when what is familiar has been taken away and the new richness is not yet ours.”— Ram Dass

“There can be no rebirth without a dark night of the soul, a total annihilation of all that you believed in and thought that you were.”― Hazrat Inayat Khan

“The “dark night of the soul” is a term that goes back a long time. Yes, I have also experienced it. It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything. Sometimes it’s triggered by some external event, some disaster perhaps, on an external level. The death of someone close to you could trigger it, especially premature death, for example if your child dies. Or you had built up your life, and given it meaning – and the meaning that you had given your life, your activities, your achievements, where you are going, what is considered important, and the meaning that you had given your life for some reason collapses.”— Eckhart Tolle

“The dark night of the soul is a stage in personal development when a person undergoes a difficult and significant transition to a deeper perception of life and their place in it. This enhanced awareness is accompanied by a painful shedding of previous conceptual frameworks such as an identity, relationship, career, habit or belief system that previously allowed them to construct meaning in their life.”— Joshua Press. I came his article, The Dark Night of the Soul: Understanding Amidst the Absence of Meaning. I highly recommend reading it to learn more.

This is obviously a very personal experience but here are some commonalities I could relate to when researching futher:

  • A spiritual depression
  • Questioning your existence, your life
  • Seem lost or stuck
  • The feeling of suffering is overwhelming
  • Not living your own life; living what was instead prescribed by our collective consciousness
  • An event occurred that turned your whole world upside down
  • A literal surrendering to your higher power; a pushing away trying to ignore your higher power
  • Desire to shed things, to get quiet, listen, reconnect (to be still)

How many times have you tried to explain this process to someone or even yourself and just couldn’t find the words? Even the words above can’t fully give it justice because words can only help point us toward an experience. This perfectly describes my experience after my divorce. It took much internal work and battles and 3 years before the light started cracking through. Knowing your not alone on this journey and that many others have rediscovered a new path that shines for them is priceless! You too can soldier through this with Faith.

One last interesting note. In Joshua’s article, the graphic he used was the same one I used a few posts back when writing my blog post titled BE STILL see below… I began to feel like I was being lead along a bit or more like a light was starting to shine in an area I never noticed before. Just prior to this I had also started going to bed listening to this meditation I AM by Wayne Dyer, My BE STILL post was a a quote from Wayne. Notice the capitals. Did Wayne guide me? My goosebumps say yes.

This is the key to remember:

Much light to all of you,

Dwight

Taking a break

Just wanted to let you know I’m going to be off WordPress for a bit. I need to take a mental health break and try to flush out the current state of my monkey mind. So reconnecting to my soul is in order which means getting quiet, meditating, and who knows what else. This happens with me once or twice a year so no cause for alarm. The neat thing is getting sober has allowed me to take notice of it and address it.

Sending peace, all my support, and much ❤️

Dwight

Find that little wild grin again!

When was the last time you dared greatly? Maybe you’ll say something like, once when I was younger and foolish, I did this…I did that..

Were you foolish or is it the wise setting back observing who are foolish? Unable to do this or that with many excuses of this or that. What new lessons could be experienced .. if only?

For you didn’t know all the rules and if you did you threw them aside with your middle finger and followed the roar of your soul!

“Marred by dust and sweat and blood”, reread that and sit with it. You were alive with much life.

It’s never to late to get back into the arena.

Dare greatly and that little grin will come back,

Dwight

You (2)

You have the answers

Though you think they are out somewhere

You wait

Waiting for stars to align

Angels to sing

Light to cast down

It’s coming

Or maybe it’s in that next book

With a bonus guide for only $199.99

Looking out

Searching

Hoping

While tiring inside

You sink back and sigh

Why

Why does this have to be so hard

Hard

Compared to soft

Compared to flow

From within, to out, and back to you

A freedom crying out

Enough of this hell

This doesn’t have to be so complicated

A start over

But this time it’s part 2 and you make the rules

No longer the past dragging you down

Nor the future whispering fears

Toss them overboard

For NOW is the only reality

The blindfold is removed and love surrounds you

You realize you are the way

You were intended here

As a needed seed built to grow and shine

New maps can be made

It’s time to set sail!


YOU can always change,

Dwight

It’s time

As difficult, sad, and humbling that “falls” present themselves – they are the way. It’s during those times we indeed sigh and discover a truth. A new knowing. A piece of us that was meant to be, just waiting to become.

It takes a bit to see this, but when you do – stand uP, smile, and start clapping!


Hello my friends! Sending light and love to each one of my super heroes out here❤️

Dwight

How often have we …

How often have we reached upward and fallen? We may get discouraged and say things never workout for me. I’m always going to get it wrong.

Instead step back and look at our great elder trees. Understand that prior to becoming giants much internal work was being done forming strong deep healthy roots. Like breathing deeply inwards and then exhaling out. First in, then out.

Growth takes both directions in order to soar. Our Falls are our soul getting our complete attention to rebuild within first so we can then move upward. It’s the only way. Don’t curse your falls. Hold them in light and love.

Remember: Within each seed is all the knowledge of the Universe. It’s not “out there, out somewhere”. It’s within❤️

2019

I’ve never created a year end type summary post because quite frankly there hasn’t been a whole hell of a lot to “highlight”. This year though, I feel like my Phoenix spread it wings and started to lift off. Before I start I want say whole heartedly thank you all for your love and encouragement.

It’s one thing to come out of the ash knowing you are no longer the same. Taking flight is a whole other endeavor. It took 4 years of self imposed imprisonment for me to finally start to rise. As weird as it sounds, it wasn’t until my alimony and maintenance agreements were complete that I felt my sentence was lifted.

3 things I’m thankful for accomplishing in 2019

  1. Getting fricken sober! Can I get an amen from the choir. (Pausing for the amen now. Maybe even some whoop whoops). This completely pulled me out of the fog of my life from numbing and forced me to face my dragons and start working through my shit and see I’m lovable. I’m worthy. I have tons of love to give,
  2. Getting healthier. Emotionally and physically. These accomplishments all flow together like dominos. Being sober forced me into becoming aware and seeing facing the dragons is the only way forward. I kicked my ass halfway through the year for not making progress on losing some weight and made good gains in that area.
  3. Getting social. I forced myself past discomfort and now get out with other folks at least 4 to 5 times a week. I also just recently met someone who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with and am looking forward to continue to grow that relationship❤️

Along with all this, I feel like WE grew closer. Yes my little tribe of misfit cape crusaders have grown to a pretty neat tight group! I’m so grateful for you all in my life. This has been the best therapy for me becoming friends with you🤗. I’m starting to take flight and know this new decade will bring new experiences, joy, and growth for us all.

Thanks again,

Dwight

Halfway through 2019. Mr. Bull has a few words.

Well you’re probably saying to yourself that’s a hell of a way to start a post! I couldn’t agree more. As promised, I posted a few weeks ago this quote that really resonated with me and said a future post on it is coming.

“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.”

– Elizabeth Gilbert

So being we’re halfway through 2019, I’m going to call out some of my bullshit in areas in my life I’m supposedly working on. This post isn’t intended by any means to get loving don’t beat yourself up Dwight comments. In fact any get off your ass comments would be much appreciated and much respected!!

Here goes in no special order the things I wanted to make process on this year:

Lose 25 pounds

Mr. Bull: That’s Bullshit! You haven’t committed to one diet or plan of attack. You got Oreos in the fridge and junk food in the cupboards. When the hell are you going to bust a move on this? You can fricken do it if you just put your mind to it and tell that tummy to chilllll.

Get fit

Mr. Bull: That’s Bullshit! You have consistently been inconsistent on your workouts. You know what to do and have the tools to use. Start way way small and start building up a routine.

Get more social (like in person)

Mr. Bull: That’s Bullshit! You’ve had maybe 4 social outings this year. You haven’t pushed yourself in this area at all. You stay home in your comfort zone wishing for friends you can do things with. I know it’s “hard” for you, but come on man so is being lonely. Believe it or not there are people out there that are looking for the same things you are – real friends.

Battle my dragons (depression)

Mr. Bull: That’s Bullshit! You started off the year great taking on the fight and even documenting some of the tools here, BUT again you’re not using these tool in a daily practice as you KNOW that’s what it takes.

There’s probably more but to be honest I’m quite tired of all this bullshit🤪. Come the end of 2019 I’m go to make big gains in these areas and tell Mr. Bull to go frick off and don’t come back.

Any other bullshitters out there? Let’s get it done and motivate each other.

Hell Yah,

Dwight

* Reminder – you can’t be kind or give Mr. Bull an inch!