“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.”
– Elizabeth Gilbert
Digesting it now and foresee a future blog post on it. Can you relate?
growth
Being an adult is hard!
Yep. Being an adult is hard!!! Especially after being spoon fed the great consumer marketing campaign from birth. I want I want….I deserve I deserve…
Ego: I want that cold piece of pizza for breakfast. It’s right there. It’s easy.
Soul: Shut the hell up. That shit is not the way you want to start off your day. Tons of processed ingredients not mention the calories. Grow the hell up.
Ego: But this afternoon we’re going to swill a truck load of beer. You deserve it man. Little Zepplin playing, some sun and fun brother!
Soul: Shut the hell up! Yah yah yah. You escape for maybe an hour and then the poison kicks in and not only are you more depressed, you’ve blown a whole afternoon getting wasted, and in about 6 hour you’ll wake up from your drunk slumber and will be hungover and regretting your drunken actions. More guilt. Nope. Not going to happen.
Ego: Okay. Okay. But lets go buy something. You could really use a newer vehicle. You’re driving a 1992 Jeep Cherokee for gods sake. Have you seen the vehicles in the high school students parking lot lately. They’re driving 2018 vehicles that blow yours away and they are teenagers!!
Soul: Shut the hell up! I’ve heard and experienced all of your lies on how “things” will make me happier. They fucking don’t! All they do is steal my hard earned money. Not going to happen. I’m working smarter now and I don’t need things!!
Ego: Man! Easy easy. Okay. Okay. You’re right. You are right! I’ve been wrong, all along, and you have your shit together. I mean look at you. You’ve been working so hard and doing everything right. Lets reward our self. You deserve it. How about we just lay around this weekend and take it easy.
Soul: Shut the hell up! I know what you’re trying to do. We got work to do and as soon as I stop doing my daily habits all hell breaks loose in my life all because of you and your bullshit. We’re getting off our ass and getting er done. You hear me!!!
Ego: You shut the hell up! You’re ugly, lazy, in debt, will be lonely forever with no women in site! Your life is a big waste and you my friend are pathetic! I’m just trying to help you.
Soul: I’m sorry you are so scared. I know you see me getting stronger and healthier and it feels like you are getting shoved out. I can no longer listen to your nonsense. I was intended into the universe by a great power and that’s all I need to know. I was meant to be here. I was meant to shine. I was meant to bring my “dwightness” to this world and that’s what I’m going to do. You can either work with me or go away.
It’s hard to be an adult, but it’s so worth it. Love never fails. Grow up and start loving yourself! You are worthy!!
*It’s a bit interesting my last name is Hyde. Yes, a bit of Jekyll and Hyde today for your reading pleasure : )
Till Next Time
How do you slay a dragon when it brings forth fire breathing depression on your ass? First, you find the courage to face it. Second, you use every tool you have in your arsenal. Third, it’s impossible to completely slay, but the sooner you deal with it the sooner you start feeling better. For me, the depression starts getting smaller and smaller and eventually flies away. I know it will come again, but next time I will be more prepared.
Tools I used the last 4 days battling my dragon:
- This online community
- Stabilize sleep patterns
- Drink apple cider vinegar
- Decaf coffee
- Morning stretches
- Cold showers
- Taking dogs and me for walks
- Meditation
- Give thanks/prayer
- Strength training
- Exercise bike
- Turmeric tea
- Fasting
- Being kind to self
- Cleaned my house
- Spend time with loved ones
Summary:
This time around I forced myself to deal with it by making the commitment and documenting it here. Usually I would of road it out hiding in bed with a pillow over my head. I didn’t succeed every day, but each day the tools helped me emotionally and physically which relieved some of the pressure of depression. One insight was my sleep patterns need much help. I had one night where I got 5 straight hours of sleep and felt like a different person. Imagine 6 hours straight🤪. After much thought, I am going to inquire from my doc about going to a sleep lab. Lastly, I’m discovering the food I consume definitely comes into play with all of this. I need to get disciplined in that area for sure. I’m going to also explore incorporating fasting once every so often. It did seem to help like a type of cleanse.
On Day 1, I was regretting making this commitment to myself and you all. Now it’s Day 5 and I’m so glad I did it. Who knows maybe in the future you’ll see more “daily journal” posts on healthy eating or working on my sleep. I’m very grateful for all of you reading, commenting, and supporting me these last days. Thank you🤗
Best Wishes,
Dwight❤️
Step in
This week I related so much to that phrase of you never get over it, you just get through it.
When you realize you have no other option, the next door waits.
Life
Sometimes for you to take notice – a dragon must appear.
Question
How come it’s easier to write out our feelings to the whole world to read, but every day we hold them tightly to our chest when we are with those who love us?
A few weeks ago I met up with an old friend I hadn’t seen for over 20 years. I did something I don’t usually do and instead of just saying yes life has been interesting these last few years, I was honest and said it sucked!! I told her all about the bad and the ugly and yes I was scared, but I was no longer going to hide “me”. I think she was a bit shocked at my honesty and I guess in a way so was I. I even told her about this blog and gave her the link. People will say you need to be careful Dwight. You shouldn’t do this with xxx, or be careful discussing this type of stuff with xxx. To all of that, I say – F it! If they want to judge so be it. I don’t need that in my life anyway.
Some will always live in the matrix. I did for a very very long time.
Others have discovered what’s casting shadows inside the cave and have found the courage to get up, face the shadows, take the shackles off, and be Free again! (Plato’s Cave)
***Picture is Boris – He’s always real around me – I love him for that***
