Torn
One of the unexpected challenges of retirement that I’ve discovered is figuring out where family fits into this next chapter of life.
My daughter Allie and her husband Logan live in Mountain City, Tennessee. I live in Colorado.
I feel their love, and I love them deeply. Part of me would love to be closer, especially knowing that someday there may be a grandchild in the picture. I want that child to know me, not just as Pops who visits once or twice a year, but as someone who’s part of their everyday life.
But here’s the rub. I love Colorado. The mountains, the outdoors, the freedom, vibe, and the lifestyle here resonate with my soul. I’m not sure I’d find that same connection living in their area.
I also find myself looking back at my own parents. When I married and raised my children, I lived far away from them. We saw each other once or twice a year. My children never really had the opportunity to know their grandparents deeply. And I missed out, too. I missed the everyday connections with my parents, the wisdom they could have shared, the comfort of their presence, and the love and support that comes from simply being part of each other’s lives. I wonder what we all missed.
Now I’m facing the possibility of repeating that same pattern, only from the other side.
I’ve wondered whether there’s a middle ground. Maybe spending a few months a year in Tennessee would allow me to be more present without giving up Colorado. But then there’s the practical side: two places to maintain, additional expenses, renting, or other arrangements. I’m a minimalist and value keeping life simple. I’m not sure adding another home base, and the expenses that come with it, is something I’d enjoy.
So I’m torn.
How do we balance the freedom to live where our soul feels at home with the desire to be present for the people we love?
Have you wrestled with something similar in retirement? How have you navigated it? Have you found a middle ground that works?
I’d love to hear your experiences.
-Dwight
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