That noise
Instincts kick in
Senses go into full alert
I know it so well
As I access the situation
Past encounters flash across my screen
I exhale noticing I’ve been holding my breath
How far away is it will determine if it will pounce or has already passed
To late
It’s in my face
A firm roar echoes throughout my body
Ignoring won’t make this stop
A response is demanded
But no matter how I do I’m fucked
This is the way it plans it’s traps
Carefully formulated full of hate
No escape
From where this well flows I’ll never quite understand
It’s time to play as has been said
I jump on a boulder to gain some distance and time
Another deep exhale
I send out my best gentle howl to take away the pressure
Like a small flare
Light is good right?
STRIKE ONE
Twist and tear
It stings
Burns
Aches
I hold it in
No noise
No movement
Maybe that’s all it was
STRIKE TWO
The stomp
To fight back will make it worse
To provide more fuel is foolish
I play dead
Is it Satisfied?
Frustrated?
The strikes stop
It has sauntered off for now
My body shakes
If you could believe it
At one time I had hope it would find empathy
We could be friends
I’ve given up hope for that
I close my messages
I set my phone down
And the ego replays the attack for the rest of the day
_______________________________
*This was from last month. I’m all good, but it’s very interesting how “I interpret” what others do into such a dramatic event. I’m human I guess and don’t do very good quickly letting things go. Looking back I should of read the text and let it go without this whole crazy digestion. I’m sure some of you can relate? How do you pause when a strike seams like a strike?
I haven’t had anyone attack me in SM, but when I feel left out, or poor me, I have to reframe my thoughts, and realize the world does not revolve around me.
xo
Wendy
Thank you, Wendy
Can totally relate. Still working on the pausing bit, she says as she puts down her phone to do her morning meditation. 😊
Good job NL on the morning meditation👍
I’ve never regretted pausing…even days, before responding. That response is much different than the one I shoot off, and then immediately regret putting it into the universe. So hard to master though…the art of the pause.
Indeed. Pausing and not letting it echo within and just letting it go is the hard part for me. Worky work I guess for me😀
It’s been something I’m working on and a big challenge for me. Only yesterday I received a work email that kick started a big anxiety reaction. I was on the train heading to work and felt panic. I went to reply immediately but put phone down. Forced myself to breathe. Listened to a buddhify meditation and then waited until I left at 3pm to respond. I’m not gonna lie .. it did piss me off for the entire day but at least I paused!!!
Xx
Claire – great tips, thank you😊
Pausing….yeah still working on that one! LOL! Recently when a lady I have worked for, for almost 10 years said very bluntly to me “There are certain things that are not getting done around here.” Me instantly: “Really? Because you have sent me to do a task 4 times in a row which is not important to what is going on now and quite frankly is a waste of my time here. Things not getting done are not my fault”
Yep, then I paused! LOL! Whoopsie! What I said was OK, but I could have been more professional about the delivery!
Well that wasn’t a social media/text or email example….
Did I help you at all?
I should really work on the pausing!
Wait….however, come to think of it I have paused a lot in my alcohol abstinence. Maybe there is hope for me! LOL! LOL!
One more thing…great poetic thoughts!!
LMAO😀. Even if my words are polite it’s my damn tone that gives me away. I’m like what what? 🤪
Just read a good post from Brendan Dunne around this topic https://brendandunne.wordpress.com/2020/02/02/your-thoughts-are-the-solution-to-every-stressful-event-you-encounter/
I like this piece => Whatever you accept will not cause you stress. I just need to accept that this person i blogged about is just mean at times and move on.
It’s in that pause that the healing occurs. But to pause when one is riled up is harder to do. I love that you’re trying…you’re doing great and on the right path Dwight. ♥ Take good care of you.
Thank you, Janie
Becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable is my work these days. Paying close attention to what I’m feeling and letting those feelings just “be”…. not judging is vital. Just more curious.
Just be…I like that, thank you😊
You are so welcome, Dwight!
this is a neat way to express yourself and very poetic as well. My last post probably reflects that sentiment as well. i just paused for the night ..ok ..well the next day also. I will be sending some time this week re evaluating some of my more rigid expectations and plans and making adjustments. I write poetry myself and wow..sometimes when i go back and read the lines i just cringe…lmao..but hey, it’s what i felt at the time!
Thanks Lovie. Half the time when I write these types of posts they don’t make any sense to anyone else but that’s okay cause I just need to get it out. Usually it’s in the early morning hours like now when everything is so quiet and I just dance with my thoughts and write it as it comes✌️
thats the best way sometimes..i’ve read poetry versions before someone edited and many times they are better before being anesthetized 🙂
Awesome poetry, Dwight. ⚡️💥👌
Re: “it’s very interesting how ‘I interpret’ what others do into such a dramatic event.”…. I do have this problem ALL THE DANG TIME. It takes a crazy amount of self-restraint not to go into my usual ways of reacting. I don’t always succeed. 😁