That noise

Instincts kick in

Senses go into full alert

I know it so well

As I access the situation

Past encounters flash across my screen

I exhale noticing I’ve been holding my breath

How far away is it will determine if it will pounce or has already passed

To late

It’s in my face

A firm roar echoes throughout my body

Ignoring won’t make this stop

A response is demanded

But no matter how I  do I’m fucked

This is the way it plans it’s traps

Carefully formulated full of hate

No escape

From where this well flows I’ll never quite understand

It’s time to play as has been said

I jump on a boulder to gain some distance and time

Another deep exhale

I send out my best gentle howl to take away the pressure

Like a small flare

Light is good right?


Twist and tear

It stings



I hold it in

No noise

No movement

Maybe that’s all it was


The stomp

To fight back will make it worse

To provide more fuel is foolish

I play dead

Is it Satisfied?


The strikes stop

It  has sauntered off for now

My body shakes

If you could believe it

At one time I had hope it would find empathy

We could be friends

I’ve given up hope for that

I close my messages

I set my phone down

And the ego replays the attack for the rest of the day


*This was from last month. I’m all good, but it’s very interesting how “I interpret” what others do into such a dramatic event. I’m human I guess and don’t do very good quickly letting things go. Looking back I should of read the text and let it go without this whole crazy digestion. I’m sure some of you can relate? How do you pause when a strike seams like a strike?

A single man at 53 with relationship questions

This will give you a good idea of where I’m at beIng single at 53. It’s a trip for sure.


Do you think you will fall in love again?

Do you have the energy to start a love relationship and keep it going?

Do you still get sparks/attracted to someone or do you dismiss it right away?

Do you feel like you could live with someone 24 x 7?

After living alone so long, could you put up with someone around having to talk to, plan things with, accept things that annoy you,…

How would it work dealing with their family?

Do you worry about growing old and alone and not having memories shared with someone?

Are we alone if we live by ourself but have many friends?

Do you crave a hug, your cheek kissed, …?

When was the last time you were intimate? Was it awkward? Were you scared?

Is it different when we don’t feel as attractive now compared to when were younger and more attractive?

Could you trust again?

Would you be walking on egg shells waiting for something to go wrong?

Would it end up being like many couples at restaurants sitting across from each other not talking?

What’s the worse thing that could happen if you tried to find love?

What’s the worst thing that could happen if you don’t try?

It seems to me all this was much easier when we were young. What are your thoughts?

Sending good vibes to you all,