Faded Jeans Living

It’s been an emotional stressful last two days. I took my son, Bob, to the emergency room on Monday because his arm was all swollen and discolored. After providing him an education on seeing some of our “finest” citizens in the waiting room for 4 hours, he finally was able to get an ultrasound and we found out he’s got a blood clot. He was given blood thinners and sent on his way to figure out navigating next steps in our just glorious capitalist frickin healthcare system! I think I’m being clear on how I feel about all that.

Just to let you know he’s not in any pain and we’re meeting with his primary care provider today and hoping she can help us get into seeing a specialist soon.

Bob is 21 and when went up to register, to join the ER circus, the ringmaster kept saying Mr. Hyde and by reflex I kept perking up, ready to respond, only to notice it wasn’t me she was addressing but instead … the new Mr. Hyde. That’s right, that right there put me back on my heals, literally!

This was our first walk in this new territory of adulthood and it’s a bit strange for me. I’ve always been the one showing up, taking control, being strong, and mapping out a path forward. When I realized I was no longer the “Mr. Hyde” it was a bit of a blow and to be honest I felt pushed back as the new Mr. Hyde stepped forward. Like … go graze in the pasture old timer. Okay I know I know it wasn’t that bad…but in my mind that’s kinda how I was feeling. I’m sure this makes no sense.

We got home late, so yesterday morning I pulled out the discharge papers, saw who we needed to contact, and got a pad of paper and pen. It was 9 AM, game time, but Bob wasn’t ready. What the heck? Well this is his first rodeo so I do understand. As you know with these types of things it takes a lot of calling and being persistent. No I told him they don’t usually call back and we’ll have to follow up in a couple hours …and we did.

I definitely tried to bulldoze and got nowhere fast. I do this when I’m scared and don’t have all the facts. Yep, still growing in that department. Halfway through the day, I realized I could let him drive instead and I’ll help by being the navigator. This afternoon will be my big test when we go talk to his primary doc. I need to remind myself coaching is great but I’m not helping him learn/navigate life by helicoptering.

So I’m rambling here trying to throw things out and also connecting dots. I do realize when it comes to the health of our kids we’ll do anything to get them better. I’m still scared but am hopeful as we learn more it will get better. I don’t have many male followers, but am very curious how other dads felt when they realized they were no longer “the one” and had to step next to their son – man to man? That’s the whole goal for sure, but it’s a bit awkward right now.

Thanks for reading,

Dwight