Part III: The Rising

Please read Part I: The Rising if you haven’t already to get the context of this post.


Have you ever experienced a Phoenix Rising?

I’ll attempt to answer these but I’m guessing it will be more like bits and pieces of ramblings but that’s okay I guess. I would love to hear about your rising in a blog post on your site or email me at hyded66@gmail.com.

I answered the following questions in Part II: The Rising

  • How do you explain why it happened? Do you feel you attracted this to show up in your life?
  • Why do you think not everyone has one?
  • Are you grateful for it or do you have mixed feelings?
  • At the very moment when you were swatted down was it the most real/alive you’ve ever been with yourself? How would you describe it?
  • Have you ever even came close to that level of intensity/realness again? If no, why do you think that is?
  • Is there a very small part of you that misses that “realness/true reality” experienced even though the pain was fucking brutal?

Part III. 1/16/2022

I’m not sure if this will ever get posted. We’ll see. I’ll admit I’ve struggled with this series not connecting at the level I hoped for. We’ve all experienced this as bloggers. I just need to release it and let it be. Another thought I’ve had is these type of connections at this level are unique and magical and not always common. I’ve been attempting to get others to breakthrough these walls we build so we can see how much we have in common with our experiences and mental health. My hope is one day we no longer have to hide our name (* I do realize sometimes it’s not possible) and our true self. I probably said too much …off we go.

What did you learn from it that you realize you would of never learned otherwise?

The were so many enlightenments generated from this experience, but these stand out:

EMPATHY. AUTHENTICITY. I AM. LOVE.

What did you attempt to carry forward that you eventually had to drop?

Basically everything! Old mind, old body, and hiding my true soul. That was the recipe that had worked for years. Tried to keep everything exactly the same. Maybe gather everything up and put a new shine on it all. Right up to the end I was still frickin hoping. Even after 6 months and the night prior to me leaving that world …I was still hoping. My god it was hard! Trying to keep everything under control …just crumbled.

Did you take this new wisdom and change? How?

Definitely, but it sure and hell wasn’t overnight. Here it is over 7 years and it only now feels that I’m heading down a new highway utilizing all cylinders on a tuned machine that I’ve been tweaking as I go.

Empathy – in my old world I lived on my lily pad honestly not thinking to deep about others. Right after moving into one of our rentals, my now current home, I was struck with how shitty life could just slams you to the ground to get your god damn attention. I remember being broke and scared to death on how I was going to make this new life work. One memory was going to the grocery store and looking at the cashier and connecting at a whole other level wondering what her life was like. Wondering if she was smiling on the outside, but fucked up on the inside. I now realized not all appearances were real.

Authenticity – the smoke lifted. The mirrors were smashed. I was pretty much naked. In a word humbled. Quieted no longer saying stupid shit. More quiet and observing. The baggage I carried was lifted and burned. I stopped playing the old games that everything was alright and I only had enough energy to be real. Showing the good, bad, and ugly. Now the more vulnerability I admit and show, the more I can flourish.

I AM. We’ll this is obviously around spirituality and with that you can only kinda point to and never completely explain. You know of it when you feel it. Getting quiet, releasing, and letting the light shine from within outward is The Way. We seem to only discover it when life forces us to get REAL.

Love. This has become my fall back and guide forward. Eventually a new tattoo will be placed with wisdom of the ages with “Love Never Fails”.

Do you feel like you’re slipping backwards, putting up mirrors, or ignoring signs?

I’m not completely sure but I don’t think so. I catch many negative thoughts as I can and send them on their way so I don’t hold and hide them within. I constantly work on living the real me where I can just be. I will say it may be easier for me now, since I haven’t been in a serious relationship with anyone since the divorce. I enjoy my own company and freedom, but do wonder how things may change if I got involved with someone. I do almost go out of my way to show some special folks my crap by mentioning my blog or just telling them about my journey. No longer hiding!

What do you tell yourself when thinking back at that time?

It fucking broke my heart and hurt like hell! I was a complete broken man. I was scared to death with no confidence from years of hiding in the fog. There was only one option – rebuild from the ground up. I leaned on self-love the whole way and hope. As painful as it was, it was a blessing that I signed up for. I’m sorry I had to drag my kids through it, but they ended up with a much better dad. I’m grateful. I would of never reached this level of acceptance, peace, and love otherwise. This is why many of us choose a tattoo to honor this awakening and rebirth.

Have you ever sat down, face to face, across from another loving soul and shared this experience with the level of details above? If not, why?

I haven’t yet but feel I will. I’m coming to realize many folks don’t want to go to this level. They don’t want to bring up all the emotions and pain involved again so they bury it deep within their heart thinking it can’t harm them there…it will though every day until it’s set free.

OR there are many others who live at a level where this type of stuff doesn’t even cross their mind and they look at you odd when you mention things like Phoenix Risings. I have to think it isn’t until they’re laying on their death bed and realize holy hell I never allowed my soul to shine while I was here!


There you have it. My series on my Phoenix Rising. It was therapeutic to go over it. My hope is somebody can gleam some wisdom from it and use it moving forward.

Dwight🦋

13 responses to “Part III: The Rising”

  1. Loved reading this Dwight! You rise and are continuing to rise everyday even more. I love that about you. I don’t open up much however blogging has had me share with others like you and open up more. It really feels good. You appreciate the simple things like a nice walk in the snow to the complicated mind things like how had I let alcohol control me. Oh and you appreciate the silly/geeky me too! Let’s continue to rise together! 😃

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Most definitely, Jackie! Love riding shotgun with you.😊

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Probably twenty years ago, I was seeing a counselor/psychologist. I cried my way through every session. One day she said, “Crystal, don’t you have any friends?” And I cried, “No.” She said, “You’ve got to open up to people.” It was the best advice I ever received. It wasn’t that I didn’t have friends. But I didn’t have authentic friendships because I didn’t want people to know my shit. I was embarrassed by it. That was the beginning of my rising.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wasn’t that the truth not wanting others knowing all our shit. Definitely breaking through that obstacle brings in so much Light! Thanks for sharing, Crystal.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so glad you are rising above it all, Dwight.
    All the best,
    Tanja

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are wonderful, Dwight!
    You have reached out to many people to support them on this journey.
    I hope we meet some day!
    If you ever travel through Minnesota, email me! You would love Mr, UT, too!
    He’s a good guy!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, Wendy! I definitely will😊🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  5. thanks for sharing this post! The bit about carrying baggage forward is very real for Husband and myself now that we’re doing this downsizing thing. It’s so fricking hard, and I’m just talking about coats! Of course it isn’t coats, it’s memories and about who we used to be yadda yadda. So weird to think about sometimes!

    Like

    1. I definitely get it.💯

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OMG Dwight – It just clicked what you were writing about baggage and what I was writing about coats. My coats are like the uniform I put on when I’m off to do something specific. I have coats because (I tell myself) I don’t sit around, I have things to do out there in the world. One coat for gigs. One coat for theatre in town. One coat for swindling coin collectors online ha ha. Maybe I struggle to get rid of my coats because my brain is afraid I’ll have a small life if I don’t have the right coat. Whoa Dwight. Thanks for writing this post. Brains are funny things!

        Liked by 2 people

  6. i’ve been re reading the posts on this a few times. I guess i hadnt responded because i’ve bared my soul so many times on here already and was thinking i had pretty much made similar posts. But maybe i have to re think things and get more into the feeling part…hmmm

    Like

    1. I completely get it, Lovie. I think I bared everything in the last few years too : )

      Liked by 1 person

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