Faded Jeans Living

*** Before I start I want to make it clear this is in no way a slam against my ex. She is a beautiful soul! As anyone who’s been married knows, life happens. I completely own my part of that dance that ended. This series will be focusing on my phoenix rising afterwards.

It started after hearing these words.

I don’t love you anymore.

Well in all actuality there wasn’t much rising to start off.

What was up became down. What was down became up.

Happily ever after died.

My body froze while inside I kept falling and falling until i couldn’t go any further down. Once at the bottom, I just smeared into “it” more and more. This way, that way. This angle, that angle. Shut eyes. Open eyes. Repeat. This was as real as I had gotten since birth.

And that was what it was. A rebirth. At that time though I had no clue. I just wanted to stop the bleeding.

Have you ever experienced a Phoenix Rising?

How do you explain why it happened? Do you feel you attracted this to show up in your life?

Why do you think not everyone has one?

Are you grateful for it or do you have mixed feelings?

At the very moment when you were swatted down was it the most real/alive you’ve ever been with yourself? How would you describe it?

Have you ever even came close to that level of intensity/realness again? If no, why do you think that is?

Is there a very small part of you that misses that “realness/true reality” experienced even though the pain was fucking brutal?

What did you learn from it that you realize you would of never learned otherwise?

What did you attempt to carry forward that you eventually had to drop?

Did you take this new wisdom and change? How?

Do you feel like you’re slipping backwards, putting up mirrors, or ignoring signs?

What do you tell yourself when thinking back at that time?

Have you ever sat down, face to face, across from another loving soul and shared this experience with the level of details above? If not, why?

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So this was Part I and I’ll probably have a few other separate Parts II, III … so I can provide my responses. I know not everyone has gone through this, but for those that truly have I’d love to hear your responses in your own blog post or email me at hyded66@gmail.com. I’m purposely going to turn off comments for this one because as you can see above I’m looking for depth that can’t be reached with a comment. This is where the “juice” is for me regarding why I blog. I want to connect at a level us humans often never reach. We mostly hide these thoughts, feelings, and then wonder why we’re so fucked and everyone else is “so normal”. I crave that one person that says I too ask myself these questions, I get you!

Dwight🦋