Men’s Work #8: Why Are Men Dying by Suicide at Nearly Four Times the Rate of Women?
According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) data, 48,824 people died by suicide in the United States in 2024. Of those, 38,977 were men and 9,847 were women.
Those numbers are staggering.
It breaks my heart to think that nearly 49,000 people reached a point where they felt ending their lives was their only way out.
I can completely understand that there are points in our lives when what we’re feeling inside is so grim that suicide can enter our thoughts. I’ve been in that place myself, right up to the very edge of the cliff.
When we’re caught up in our own turmoil, it’s easy to forget—or simply not believe—that there is goodness in our lives and around us. Sometimes the pain becomes so overwhelming that we can’t see beyond it.
That’s why I believe this is such important work: shining as much light as we can on suicide, understanding why people get to that place, and trying everything we can to help them see that their current pain isn’t the whole story.
So what is happening in men’s lives that brings so many of them to this point?
There isn’t one simple answer.
Research shows that suicide is rarely the result of one thing. The CDC identifies a combination of factors that can increase a man’s risk, including depression and other mental health conditions, substance use, relationship problems, financial or job stress, chronic health problems, hopelessness, and social isolation.
In other words, it may not be one thing that brings a man to that point. It can be years of things piling up until he feels overwhelmed, trapped, or unable to see a way forward.
So why don’t more men reach out for help before they get there?
I think part of the answer is how many of us were raised. We’re taught to be strong, handle our problems, push through, and figure things out on our own. Asking for help can feel like admitting we’re not capable of doing what we’re supposed to do.
And sometimes that pressure extends into our closest relationships. We may worry that the people we love need us to be the strong one—the rock—and that showing just how much we’re struggling could change how they see us.
So we keep it to ourselves.
And many men don’t seek help when they’re struggling. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), men are less likely than women to receive mental-health treatment.
But professional help is only one piece of the puzzle. Another piece is connection.
The CDC identifies social isolation as a risk factor and social connectedness as something that can protect against suicide.
There’s research behind that, too.
A 24-year study of nearly 35,000 U.S. men found that the more socially connected a man was, the lower his suicide risk. Men who were the most connected had about 59% lower risk than men who were the most isolated.
And this is where I think we, as men, have some work to do.
We can be surrounded by people and still be isolated. We can have coworkers, acquaintances, family, and social media connections and still not have a person we can call when we’re struggling.
Maybe the question isn’t simply:
“Do you have friends?”
Maybe it’s:
“Who would you call if you weren’t okay?”
Who knows what’s really going on in your life?
Who could you sit down with and say, “I’m struggling,” without feeling like you have to clean it up first?
That person might be your partner. It might be a family member. It might be a therapist or another mental-health professional. And it might be another man.
From my work in men’s circles, I now have four other men I know I can call at any time and tell them anything—something deep, something that’s weighing on me, or something I simply need to get off my chest. I know they’ll listen, they’ll hold space for me, and I don’t have to worry about being judged or having to have it all figured out.
I never had that before.
That’s one of the things Men’s Work and men’s circles can provide: a place where men can build real relationships before they’re in crisis. It’s not therapy, and it’s not about fixing each other. It’s a place where we can talk honestly, listen to one another, and realize we’re not alone.
If you’re not in crisis but you’re isolated, that’s worth doing something about now. Call an old friend. Reach out to someone you trust. Find a men’s group or circle. Start building your list of four—people you know you can call when life gets heavy.
Start building the connections that feed your soul and help you live this life fully.
In our darkest moments, there is a way forward. I know, because I found mine.
The best decision I ever made was to not end my life. If you’re standing anywhere near that edge, I hope you make that decision too.
-Dwight
More on Men’s Work
If You Need Help
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide or feels unable to stay safe, please don’t face it alone. In the United States, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7.
Leave a comment