The “F” Word

I can’t believe it but I’m starting to think about one of my “F” words: GOALS!

You see like forever, if I even heard someone mention that nasty word, I’d be like shut the hell up, of course in my head, as I just smiled. I’d be like dude I can’t even keep my shit together right now. Have you seen my shit? Come closer so I can just punch you right now in the face. (Remember Ground Hog Day and Bill Murray punching the insurance salesman?) Yep there is definitely a Mr. Hyde inside. My thought process was I’m barely holding on here day to day and you want me to think about 1 and 5 years from now? Again, shut the hell up, what the “F” ?

This all came about the other night lying in bed, pillow over my head to protect me from all my nemesis, and as I peaked out upon my world I started to think back to five years ago. Where was I? Where am I now? You see it was just over 5 years ago that I became a very broken man. Oh I was definitely broken before that but my soul was so frustrated of providing hints and paths for me to follow, and I’d just ignore them and stay on my stagnant lily pad. So my soul decided to do what it had to do and applied defcon emergency procedures on my ass!

I was struck with a divorce, debt, depression, and enough other shrapnel that come along with all that to blow me off the lily pad and face a world I’d been denying for years. I thought we were talking about goals? I’m getting there…

At that point there was no more hiding a not so perfect life. The spotlight shined brightly on me as I was forcefully dragged center stage. The curtain wasn’t going to shut and my soul held all the cards. I was to start anew like it or lump it. I lumped it!

As I lumped it not much happened. Like a new seed planted. I went through all those f’n phases blah blah blah…more “F” words. Slowly though with tons of work a root system was started. I looked uP and worked on “me”. It took many years of crying and trying. Many new thoughts and framing to get over my lost love. Along with that it took 4 years to pay off $35,500 in debt. I made many wrong turns, dead ends, but each time I was gathering new information and learning. For all my hard work, my soul granted me a gift on February 16, 2019. I became sober. Vowing to never live life again in the fog. To face each day with whatever life throws at me and focus on my base and have faith. My roots we’re getting deeper and deeper. To many on the outside it may appear as I haven’t done anything with my life in the last 5 years, but for me, and that’s all that counts I’ve grown so much from my lily pad days.

Okay here’s the goals part. It takes a bamboo tree 5 years to even sprout above the ground. What’s it doing up to that point? It’s taking in all the moisture and nutrients and growing a deep root system. Once that’s complete get the hell out of the way. Within 5 weeks of sprouting it can shoot up 90 ft tall!!!

So that’s my thoughts from beneath my pillow. My base is there. It’s good. I looked at the past and have seen the great progress this “tree” has made. I’m now at a point where I feel I can actually start doing the “G” word.

Goals😊. What phase are you at?

Super heroes unite,

Dwight

27 thoughts on “The “F” Word

  1. I like the unexpected twists this post took. The bamboo tree shoot is a wonderful metaphor. Great post. I’m guessing you may have been in the military at one point because I recognize a lot of military-related verbs and expressions.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Dwight, my two youngest brothers and six of my seven nephews, and one of my nieces would really have benefitted from military service or a comparable civilian service. So many people like discipline and a sense of purpose today. I realize that the military is not right for everyone, but having to learn discipline, organization, and respect are good life skills.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. OMG, I absolutely loved this post. It made me sit up and read it again three times over. Absolutely you are bamboo. I hope I am bamboo too. Deep roots, nothing too visible on the surface but boy … just you wait for us to grow and grow 😊 So excited and happy for,you Dwight. You are a super hero. 🤗❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re so right. The work (growth) that is not visible is what’s most important, even though the fun part is getting to see the growth materialize into magic and awesomeness. Love being on this journey with you and can’t want to SEE you continue to grow! 😊💕

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Dwight!
    I read this post yesterday, then got looking and reading facts about bamboo trees! I never knew! It is in our roots where we find our greatest strength and that greatest strength is not there for everyone to see. You continue to inspire me and I am thankful for you!! Keep on a growin’! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Amazing post, Dwight! I love the bamboo story. That is amazing! I think it is great that you are bamboo. Personally, I am more of an oak tree. Slow steady growth, a few knot holes and twists along the way, but one day – I will be mighty. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So proud of you and sooo happy for you Dwight! You’re our inspiration…it’s strange, I had a dream about bamboo the other night and I don’t think I’ve ever dreamt or thought of bamboo so to read about it in your post makes me wonder….perhaps there’s a message there for me. Dig deeply, nourish myself so that I can grow when the time is right? :). Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

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