debt

Debt 2: Let’s chat

/ Dwight Hyde / 10 Comments

Sipping my morning coffee, I was told it needs to be a light week. (Code words for very little in the checkbook.)

Don’t use that card, use the gold card in the back of your wallet. (Ugh)

“This” is becoming a bit blah. Conversations, sparks, activities are getting to be nil. …Let’s move and buy a new place. Excellent. Let the planning begin. (Oh and possibly the loss of money spent here and of course biggering and spending more)

Sorry mom and dad, the family and I aren’t going to be able to visit after all. Work is just real crazy right now…we understand they say, maybe next year. (In reality there’s just no funds for four plane tickets and boarding the dogs for a week, but boy…I’m sure glad I spent all that money on remodels. I’ll surely treasure those for the rest of my life.)

It’s that dreaded time of year. THE Debt SpreadSheet is created, presented, and a budget is prepared. Brilliant and we’ll put it up on the wall, update it, and watch it decrease month by month. (The next month the beast of a car breaks, the debt goes up, and the budget is tossed out the window.)

Sit down. We need to talk. (I know.)

Do any of these sound familiar to you? I could of went on and on but you get the point. Life doesn’t have to be this way. Some of you are right in the middle of this storm and you, like I did, aren’t taking this seriously. We say, it’s normal. Everyone’s in debt. I’m in too deep at this point, I’ll just keep limping along making minimum payment. I won’t worry I’m one paycheck away from disaster. I’ll just suck up all the stress it causing in my marriage, with my family,..in my life. Not to even mention how it’s affecting my health.

Maybe you didn’t like this little talk. Maybe you’ll quickly go to the next post and leave all this debt messiness behind you. But for those of you that are a bit paused right here. Right at this point in your life. This debt stings a bit doesn’t it?

YouTube Adam Baker: Sell your crap. Pay your debt. https://youtu.be/9XRPbFIN4lk

Life doesn’t have to be lived this way. You can find freedom from this madness. Next post on debt will be on how to start exploring getting out of debt. If I can get out of debt, so can you!

Head uP – acknowledge your situation,

Dwight

Debt 1: Debt and peace

/ Dwight Hyde / 24 Comments

Can you have debt and peace?

Believe it or not this blog started off as a debt blog. I was divorced with a debt of $35,500. I had come across other debt bloggers and found much knowledge and support from their posts, so I took the plunge and started blogging here. The interesting thing though about all this is if you go way back to my early posts you won’t find many on debt. You see this blog started with me being anonymous. I was probably 5 to 10 posts in blogging about debt, and then like many I discovered my heart and soul was gaining courage and they had a few things to say too. On one eventful night, I took the plunge, removed my mask, changed the blog to FadedJeansLiving.com a “Life Blog”, and in the process DELETED most of the blog entries on my personal debt!

Why you may ask? I was embarrassed by it. The blog now had my real name and even a picture of me. My goodness what would happen if people found out who knew me? You’re probably chuckling after all the “real personal shit” I have since posted. You need to understand though this was over 4 years ago and I was very green about the benefits of being vulnerable and sharing. I wish I had never deleted them now, obviously. It would of been neat to see where I was during those raw moment of my life. Live and learn as they say.

One question I wish I had asked with each new debt was will this bring me peace? Unfortunately, I realize back then I know what the answer would of been. It would of been either well sure it does, OR frick off I don’t have time to think about peace I’ve got living to do! Big sigh. My debt started with college, for that was what you were to do, so I did my part and played along. Then the good job came and a BIG house was needed as dictated in the next part of the song. Buy the biggest you can afford they sang with a 30 year mortgage, you’ll grow into it..trust us. And growing I did. New cars were needed to fill the 2 car garage and with the 3,300 sq ft furniture was needed. Why wait like your parents did and purchase mostly with cash. No problem you now have good credit. Credit is your friend?

So as as the years passed by I kept biggering and so did the debt. I was living the good life so THEY say. Yes, there was some discomforts felt that within this didn’t feel completely right or even good at times, so a bit of action was put in place. Dave Ramsey’s book Financial Peace entered my life, budgets were drawn up, and beans and rice were bought for dinner. Total debt removal was the plan. The problem with plans and actions is you must act. Pull the trigger, live it. Well this other guy also came into the scene named Robert Kiyosaki with his book Rich Dad,Poor Dad. I didn’t want be poor dad, so I said goodbye to old Dave.

I never thought I would ever be a landlord, but at one time I had three houses I “owned” and was renting out. There were home equity loans here and there with credit cards maxed out due to remodeling them and getting them up to snuff. Also I was selling and moving into homes for me and my family along the way. Fixing them up, getting bored, and moving again. Each time going more in debt, but not to worry because I now had investments.

Well, as many of you know, this story didn’t end well. I was divorced in 2015, $35,500 in debt as this story began, had to let go of the big house. I moved into one of our rentals. The ex moved into the other rental. And to top it off they are located one house apart from each other. KARMA. Ha.

Well that’s a good intro to my debt. Have I learned anything from it and do I have any advice? Yes and will share in future posts. In closing, I’m back following Dave. It just works better for me. And just like getting out of the fog from alcohol for me, getting out of debt has brought me peace.  Ironically I got sober and paid of that debt both in the same year – 2019.

It will bring you peace, too. You can remove debt from your life.

More to come,

Dwight

The “F” Word

/ Dwight Hyde / 27 Comments

I can’t believe it but I’m starting to think about one of my “F” words: GOALS!

You see like forever, if I even heard someone mention that nasty word, I’d be like shut the hell up, of course in my head, as I just smiled. I’d be like dude I can’t even keep my shit together right now. Have you seen my shit? Come closer so I can just punch you right now in the face. (Remember Ground Hog Day and Bill Murray punching the insurance salesman?) Yep there is definitely a Mr. Hyde inside. My thought process was I’m barely holding on here day to day and you want me to think about 1 and 5 years from now? Again, shut the hell up, what the “F” ?

This all came about the other night lying in bed, pillow over my head to protect me from all my nemesis, and as I peaked out upon my world I started to think back to five years ago. Where was I? Where am I now? You see it was just over 5 years ago that I became a very broken man. Oh I was definitely broken before that but my soul was so frustrated of providing hints and paths for me to follow, and I’d just ignore them and stay on my stagnant lily pad. So my soul decided to do what it had to do and applied defcon emergency procedures on my ass!

I was struck with a divorce, debt, depression, and enough other shrapnel that come along with all that to blow me off the lily pad and face a world I’d been denying for years. I thought we were talking about goals? I’m getting there…

At that point there was no more hiding a not so perfect life. The spotlight shined brightly on me as I was forcefully dragged center stage. The curtain wasn’t going to shut and my soul held all the cards. I was to start anew like it or lump it. I lumped it!

As I lumped it not much happened. Like a new seed planted. I went through all those f’n phases blah blah blah…more “F” words. Slowly though with tons of work a root system was started. I looked uP and worked on “me”. It took many years of crying and trying. Many new thoughts and framing to get over my lost love. Along with that it took 4 years to pay off $35,500 in debt. I made many wrong turns, dead ends, but each time I was gathering new information and learning. For all my hard work, my soul granted me a gift on February 16, 2019. I became sober. Vowing to never live life again in the fog. To face each day with whatever life throws at me and focus on my base and have faith. My roots we’re getting deeper and deeper. To many on the outside it may appear as I haven’t done anything with my life in the last 5 years, but for me, and that’s all that counts I’ve grown so much from my lily pad days.

Okay here’s the goals part. It takes a bamboo tree 5 years to even sprout above the ground. What’s it doing up to that point? It’s taking in all the moisture and nutrients and growing a deep root system. Once that’s complete get the hell out of the way. Within 5 weeks of sprouting it can shoot up 90 ft tall!!!

So that’s my thoughts from beneath my pillow. My base is there. It’s good. I looked at the past and have seen the great progress this “tree” has made. I’m now at a point where I feel I can actually start doing the “G” word.

Goals😊. What phase are you at?

Super heroes unite,

Dwight

Fall update

/ Dwight Hyde / 17 Comments

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Fall!

I thought I’d provide an update on how all is going.  I started a Gerontology class about a month ago.  It goes for two semesters and I’ll end up with a certificate.  I’ve always been interested in working with the Aging and after reading Marc Freedman’s book, Encore:  Finding Work that Matters in the second half of life, I felt motivated to start looking into careers I could do that have a direct social “good” impact on humankind.  Over 25 years ago when I was in college,  I had made the decision to follow the money and go down the tech path even though back then I was interested in gerontology.  Now as I start looking for my second career,  I am in a position where I can explore different options that makes my soul smile.  It’s exciting.  It may not be for another 5 years,  but I thought why not explore now.  Marc’s book is a great read and I highly recommend it.  It’s about giving back to society and much much more.  Our generation hasn’t exactly made this planet a better place, but we still have time to leave a legacy we’re proud of.

I’m making good process on my emotional eating after getting sober.  I’m down approx. 15 pounds overall for the year.  It definitely has taken all the discipline I have, but more crucial looking into more of the Why I need “something” to escape my reality.  Understanding I’m not my thoughts and becoming the watcher has helped.   I’ve learned more about this with Michael Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul:  The Journey Beyond Yourself.  ….boy I’m plugging a lot of books,  eh :  )

Last month, was the last month for me paying maintenance and child support to my ex.  It’s probably a touchy topic for many who follow me, so I won’t be shooting off any fireworks.  Obviously, that frees up money that I now can put toward my debt.  As many of you know when I got divorced I had to get a loan from my mother, so I basically didn’t have to go bankrupt.  I’m happy to say that I’ll have that loan paid off at the end of November and be totally out of debt other than my house payment.  This is a whole new concept for me being debt-free.  Crazy how long it has taken me to figure it all out.  I’m 53.  I guess it’s not really crazy.  I’m a slow learner and always learn the hard way.

I just opened my I’m Done Drinking app and it reads I’ve been sober 234 days.  Things are going well on that front.  I don’t have cravings and am enjoying the clarity and hangover-free mornings.  You have to understand though it took me over 40 years to quit. I stopped, started,  repeated…many many times.  This year though it finally came to the point of being done for good and not looking back.  I cheer anyone who is on this journey!!!

That’s about it.  Been loving up the fall and getting out on hikes.  I feel like I’m supposed to be getting more social, but that push is more like a “living up to society” requirement and not one of my own right now.  We’ll see….

 

Sending Loving Vibes,

Dwight

Six Months Sober

/ Dwight Hyde / 32 Comments

I thought 6 months of being sober after drinking for 40 years warranted a post. Plus I thought for those starting down this path that hopefully there may be some information that would resonate with what their experiencing. When I quit drinking I was more then ready. There was much guilt the day after a binge session plus way to many hangovers. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me in any fashion at all. There was also my soul laying down a slow steady bass beat in the background of give yourself a chance Dwight. At 53, I had been leaning on alcohol since I was 13. I had so many Day Ones I couldn’t even count. But this time around I was truly onboard.

I started my sobriety 3 plus years out from my divorce after being married for 16 years with two kids. I was making some progress on digesting that whole crushing scene plus I had less then 1 year left on paying off $35,5000 in debt. Coming up out of those low valleys encouraged me to take on my alcohol dragon. My first month of being sober I pumped myself up by reading tons of books on quitting alcohol. Reading everyone’s story with eventually happy endings definitely helped push me along. It was like when you first start off on a new job or exercise program your all jazzed and usually surrounded by other like minded people. I joined a forum and just immersed myself into this new world of how to be sober. I didn’t go down the AA route because for me I have my own hang ups with religion and the 12 steps. That’s just me though. I’ve read many books and follow many bloggers where it works for them and I fricken applaud them. The one book for me that really helped with the transition was by Annie Grace called This Naked Mind. I’ll do anther post on that someday. So yeah, the first month I was cleaning out my body from the poison and feeling pretty darn excited.

At about at 3 weeks the “glitz” wasn’t shining as much.  The realization came that I no longer had my tool to escape from reality.  All of my main issues around depression, debt, divorce, health, insecurities…. were still there plus now I was feeling guilt on how alcohol had harmed me for all those years.  Also, I had to back away from the sober community I joined, because seeing so many folks repeat day 1 over and over was almost like a trigger for me and I certainly didn’t want to go down that path anymore.  What I did do though is start following some sober bloggers here in WordPress who had been successful being sober for some time and that has helped me tremendously.

I won’t go month by month but needless to say it’s a shit load of hard work!  Hard work that I’m so grateful for!!  Not being able to check out when life or my thoughts start fucking with me was extremely difficult.  Just sitting there and finally for once in my life just looking straight at it and dealing with it sober took everything I had.  The good news is I’m getting better at it and each time I feel a bitter better about myself and I’ll just say it – Proud!

One thing I learned was that many of us who stop drinking including myself pick other  coping mechanisms.  Mine was emotional eating and I’m currently working my ass off , literally, on curbing that.  This inner work is a trip and the ego is a nasty little fuck!

So at 6 months I’m feeling so much more love for myself and know I’ll never go back.  My soul is smiling more each day and my confidence is growing. The support and bonding here on WordPress is just priceless.  I know I still have a lot of work to do, but now I’m taking control of my life,  living my life sober, and discovering a new power within.  I hope that for all of you.

* For those interested in learning more about alcohol and possibly exploring going AF check out these resources and blogs

  1. Read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
  2. https://www.thisnakedmindcommunity.com
  3. https://learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration
  4. https://functioningguzzler.wordpress.com
  5. https://untipsyteacher.com
  6. https://sobrietytree.com
  7. http://bumpyyear.blog
  8. https://storminawineglass.com

Motivation:

LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE YOU’RE THE HERO IN YOUR MOVIE – Joe Rogan FightMediocrity

It’s never to late. I’m making this my fucking comeback story and YES for once I’m the Hero!!!

If you have questions or comments you don’t want to post here you can always email me at dwight@FadedJeansLiving,com

Thank you for reading and your support!