A Cold Dark Night

I stepped out into the cold dark night all bundled up, reflector vest on, headphones playing Whispering Notes from the Insight Timer app, and was getting ready to put on my headlamp. As I shut the front door and stepped off the stoop, I remember a night probably very close to exactly 6 years ago.

It was just days before leaving the home of my wife and two kids. A night very dark and cold as tonight. It was the period of my marriage ending but still living together. The kids still didn’t know. This period went on for 5 months. Why we put ourselves through that hell I don’t know.

Well really I guess I do. I was hoping and praying we could somehow stay together. Well on that particular night it was late and everyone had gone to bed and I was out in my office in front of the fire slamming beers down one after another trying to escape into the fog. As I kept drinking I cried, I prayed, and basically twisted in emotional pain. My mind kept replaying the heartache over and over and to escape I finally stepped out into the dark cold night with just my coat no hat, gloves, or light and just started walking as I cried. I believe it was a full moon and I can remember it was snowing. I was beyond drunk and just stumbling through the snow for about 5 miles asking God why God why? I somehow made it back home and passed out on the couch. I think a few days later we told the kids and I left.

This movie all played back to me tonight, but tonight I wasn’t the same person. Yes my heart is still broken, but now it’s broken open to receive and give more love. As I was replaying that scene, I remember a word that kept popping up all this week for me – Free will. I thought how hard it must of been that night for God and my guides to watch me fall further and further into the abyss. Even though they had the knowing it was The Way and only way to reconnect with my soul; it’s still must of been deeply hard to watch their child suffer.

As I continued on my walk tonight I gave thanks to Spirit and my Guides for watching over me during this long period of regrowth and helping me shine from within. Tonight I cried again as I walked, but this time it was tears of joy, grace, and complete love. I am not the same man I was back then. I AM now a man with much empathy and love. Free will was the only way this could of come about. There are no shortcuts. Halfway through my walk I stopped, looked up into the stars, twirled around 360 degrees, and asked out loud “remember that night? – look at us now”. At the moment love wrapped me like a warm blanket and I even felt like God and my guides were clapping and we all shared a tear of joy.

As I approached my house and stepped onto my drive, the Whispering Notes music I had selected ended. It was a 1hr 9 minute piece and it finished right when I had RETURNED HOME❤️

When you’re going through those dark night’s of the soul, I get it…it’s hard to see the light at the end. All I can tell you is from my experiences is it’s there. It’s a new joyous light too that will having you giving thanks daily.

Trust Spirits free will. Do the work by finding and opening to your true self and bask in the light here and NOW.

Big hugs,

Dwight, Guides, and God❤️

26 responses to “A Cold Dark Night”

  1. It’s really nice to hear how you moved on. It’s not easy to move from difficult situations and look at them differently. Thanks for sharing this story Dwight.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your kind comment, Maja😊❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This really moved me. So glad you dudnt fall further and you’re where you are today ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I often think of that too❤️


  3. wow.just wow. Beautiful post, Dwight. Our God always weeps for us. So hard for most to understand, me included. I always felt punished but I know now that there is nothing that can separate us from the love of God. Not even the worst in ourselves. Such comfort in knowing we were lost, but have now been found….were blind, but now can see!!💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed, Elizabeth, indeed😊. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Just beautiful, Dwight!
    Your growth and inspiration is heartening!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I felt like weeping tears and rejoicing after reading your post Dwight. That’s how heart-touching it was for me. Thank you for sharing…you touched our hearts. I am grateful for our friendship. Big huge hugs…so happy for your healing xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad it touched you heart how we can all heal, Janie. Right back at you with big hugs🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  6. gr8ful_collette Avatar

    What a magical experience. I love being able to acknowledge true growth (in others and myself) and know that God loves it too! In victory— 💕🌟🖤🦋

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Very lovely post, Dwight. I’m so incredibly happy for you. Thank you for sharing this story. Wonderful! ❤️


  8. That was a beautiful post Dwight. Thank you for sharing with all of us. So inspirational!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Happy that you’re happy:)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. wow Dwight. Beautiful post. I brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy you made it to the other side and are now showing others how to follow the light 🙂 ❤ xxx Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  11. As everyone said above, wow, just wow on this post! It really moved me and I love the part where you stopped, looked up into the stars, twirled around 360 degrees, and asked out loud “remember that night? – look at us now”. Made me have a huge smile! You are amazing and you never cease to to inspire me! I’m so glad you found the you that you had been looking for! ( like how I worded that? 😂)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love it! Thank you so much❤️😊

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I’m working on finding my truth and moving past it when it’s out of my control. Thanks for the inspiration, Dwight!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At times it pushes faith to the very edge, indeed. I definitely couldn’t see the big picture trekking through the valleys. As you move forward and finally look back you’ll discover more then just your footsteps along this crazy journey. Trust❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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