I decided to write about this just to see if I could work through it by taking a closer look. Also it’s very insightful when looking back at my path. Here we go.
For those who have read my posts you might know The Dragon (depression) use to visit each year in February and March. I had thought I had somehow escaped its wrath this year. I was pleasantly surprised but feared acknowledging this fact in case it woke up and pounced all last minute like. I now fear that maybe it just switched tactics.
I say that because when you’re sober and out of the fog you start picking up on themes going on and lately I notice I’m getting upset, pissed, and mad at others… a lot. I know this is a reflection on me and not them, so I need to work through this. I’m going to vent negativity so be warned. Might be a good time to leave. I don’t usually do this cause we already get enough of that today, but this is more for me to track.
I won’t go into big details, but here are some of the things:
Mad at furnace company. I just had to have my furnace replaced and spent a lot of money and I didn’t feel that they treated my professionally. The lack of customer service was pathetic. (Worthiness)
I’m upset when people write a post and you take the time to write a comment and they can’t even acknowledge it by a simple like. (Acknowledgement)
I’m pissed the vet assistant told me my older dog Boris wreaked and couldn’t stand her overall pompous f’n attitude. (Hurt)
I’m upset a YouTuber I follow won’t pull the trigger and get out on the road full time and start living van life. He talks about it but always has excuses. (Scared)
So there you go. Some pretty silly. Some not. I’m not looking for you to say you have a right to be upset …blah blah. I realize I’m an adult and I have the power over my thoughts and this is about how I’m interpreting events and processing them. Right now it’s not good. I swear I just felt the breath of The Dragon on my neck.
It’s puzzling why this is appearing now because I’m actually feeling pretty good with my life and have initiated actions for further growth that are coming along good. Maybe that’s it? Just another way to distract my growth and knock me down? We tend to defeat ourselves.
I categorized each one and came up with worthiness, acknowledgement, hurt, and scared. Yep, these are very familiar in ref to me. I’m just projecting on others.
Next steps: Acknowledging the needed work is half the battle. There is dirt under the carpet. I’m acknowledging it here and now. I’m also going to get back sitting with spirit and my guides in the mornings and listen to what they have to say. Casting light and love within also works very well.
By no means am I down and out. I just noticed what’s coming out as anger and know it needs addressed. I’m definitely continuing my Going for it challenge! It does bring me joy. Still a lot of work to do for me. Good needed work. It’s a trip being Human!