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Give Love
Today was my hanging of the lights day. This was the first time in so many years, I can’t even remember, that I didn’t swill like a 100 beers afterwards to keep me in the holiday spirit. I’m full of gratefulness and plenty of love from you all that helps me fly solo without alcohol.…
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Finding our new self
In the last two days, I’ve come across the reference to the Greek myth of labyrinth and the Minotaur. Once in the book Callings, Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy and a blog entry here on WordPress by Kachaiweb – Food.for.Thoughts. Now this isn’t something that usually happens to me coming across…
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Comfort vs ?
How long have you shied away from discomfort? Years? Decades? Comfort is safe. It’s warm. It’s “controlled”. It”s easy. But is it living? What direction would your life go if you leaned into and broke through some discomfort?
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Let’s Go
Harnessed up my motley crew of misfits for a walk. Jammed to one of the best rock albums ever – Led Zeppelin IV – to be a rock and not to roll… Happy Sunday everyone. Get outdoors and ROLL😎 Dwight
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Getting a bit social
Since my last post on loneliness, I decided to take a small action in breaking out of my “home comfort zone”. As it sounds, I spend a lot of time at home working and living without a lot of face time with other folks. Like many people, making the effort to get out there and…
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Loneliness
Let’s start off from my last post: “I feel like I’m supposed to be getting more social, but that push is more like a “living up to society” requirement and not one of my own right now. We’ll see….” So in my Gerontology class about a week later we had a speaker come in and…
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Fall update
Happy Fall! I thought I’d provide an update on how all is going. I started a Gerontology class about a month ago. It goes for two semesters and I’ll end up with a certificate. I’ve always been interested in working with the Aging and after reading Marc Freedman’s book, Encore:…
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Imagine
Imagine if we all tapped into the greatest resource we have on this planet. It’s so basic, but oh so powerful. I often think we over complicate trying to find solutions to humankind issues we are facing, while within all of us we hold the key. Grow it. Spread it. BEAUTIFUL LOVE.
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Cleansing
Woke at 5:30. Cranked up some Tom Petty. Did a deep cleaning of the bathroom and kitchen. Feeling great! Happy Monday folks😊 Be kind to yourself and have a great week❤️ Dwight *Anybody else get a bit of a pick me up after cleaning? For me getting going is hard, but as I start seeing…
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Me, Suicide Attempt, and an Emotional Breakdown
Me So I’m going to talk about a couple of life events that many men who have experienced don’t usually open up about. Most just stoically hide it deeply within multiple layers hoping it will just go away. For me, that only leads to more men thinking they aren’t “man enough” when the depression/I don’t…
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Slow down!
It’s interesting how one sentence from a previous blog inspires a whole new entry. I’ve been hearing more and more about this concept of slowing down, do the work, put in the time, and if then and only then will the progress come. In the last week I picked up on it from Dave Ramsey…
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Emotional Eating
Most of you already know one of my areas of improvement is focusing on losing weight and getting healthier. I was overweight prior to sobriety, but as I’ve mentioned in previous blogs I gained more weight afterwards due to emotional eating. At night after dinner instead of drinking, I’d snack. On weekends, after all those…
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Shit show
***If you have a gag reflex don’t read. Go to another post*** Setup Today was the mowing of the weeds. Picture tall weeds sprinkled with clumps of grass and the smallest width push mower you’ve ever seen in your life. And the sun is baking on my neck. It’s total joy joy! Not! I…
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Six Months Sober
I thought 6 months of being sober after drinking for 40 years warranted a post. Plus I thought for those starting down this path that hopefully there may be some information that would resonate with what their experiencing. When I quit drinking I was more then ready. There was much guilt the day after a…
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Automagic Reply
I have been summoned by the Ministry of Vacations to go forth for the next week and have fun and relax. I have chosen to take this opportunity to also check out from social media during said time. In case of any emergencies during my absence, here are a few steps you may try that…
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Giggles
I just had a giggle. You’ve heard this question asked before on if you could ask anyone to dinner who would you invite? I thought of all of you who I connect with here. Looking around the table from one person to another it made me giggle. It would be a dinner of very interesting…
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You decide your life story
I’ve been reading the book, The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness, by Emily Esfahani Smith and came across this concept. It inspired me to create this reminder for us. How much more meaning would you have in life if you started telling a redemption life story?
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Feeling Good – Jammin!
Feeling really good the last few day. Been off work – HA : ) Thursday and Friday I spent both days mowing and doing landscape stuff like trimming trees and raking up pine needles. For some crazy reason, I dig days like that. Working hard outdoors, sweating, and then when you’re done looking at…
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Today I Rise because of You
This is for the women I am so fortunate to follow and who follow and support me in this WordPress space. I’m in awe of you and the strength and determination you possess . I read your journeys and applaud your great strides and also cry with your sorrows. So many times all you want…all…
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Halfway through 2019. Mr. Bull has a few words.
Well you’re probably saying to yourself that’s a hell of a way to start a post! I couldn’t agree more. As promised, I posted a few weeks ago this quote that really resonated with me and said a future post on it is coming. “I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the…
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Our highest self
I’m realizing as I write out my thoughts a little context goes a long way. Many of you who read my blog battle with depression as I do. My hope is this post surrounds you all with light and helps you get through some of the storms. I post this only with the goal of…
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Nice night for a walk
I’m totally spoiled. Less then 15 minutes from my house is Hayden Park in Divide, Colorado. Met up with a buddy for a walk around the loop here and then went out for dinner. Just a great time! Feeling fortunate and sending best wishes to all of you.
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This resonates with me
“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.” – Elizabeth Gilbert Digesting it now and foresee a future blog post on it. Can you relate?
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You can’t buy this
My Mom. This was taken over a week ago at the airport when I picked her up. She’s looking directly at me. Look at all that LOVE. As tears flow down my cheeks, I’m feeling so grateful for her! We had a wonderful visit. Life is not about having things, gaining titles, or winning. It’s…
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Being an adult is hard!
Yep. Being an adult is hard!!! Especially after being spoon fed the great consumer marketing campaign from birth. I want I want….I deserve I deserve… Ego: I want that cold piece of pizza for breakfast. It’s right there. It’s easy. Soul: Shut the hell up. That shit is not the way you want to start off…
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Till Next Time
How do you slay a dragon when it brings forth fire breathing depression on your ass? First, you find the courage to face it. Second, you use every tool you have in your arsenal. Third, it’s impossible to completely slay, but the sooner you deal with it the sooner you start feeling better. For me,…
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Day 4
Howdy! Okay this is my last day of documenting. I didn’t get a great night sleep, but it wasn’t as bad as the night before. I actually started googling sleep labs last night while I couldn’t sleep🤪. I just can’t imagine having to sleep with a machine over my nose, but something has to change…
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Day 3
I’ll cut to the chase. Day 3 of using my tools to work myself out my current depression state was a bust. I got to bed on day 2 around 10:00, but woke up at 12:30 and didn’t fall back to sleep until 4:30. When my alarm went off at 6, I took care of…
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Day 2
For those asking Day 2 of what? A few days ago I was in a pretty bad depression state and decided for the next 3 to 4 days I’ll use some of my tools dealing with depression and document it here on my blog. I’m doing this to…
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Day 1
I wake a few minutes after midnight. Don’t worry. This won’t be minute by minute of the next 24 hours. Well hopefully not. So I mentioned I use sleep to handle my depression, well this creates a huge problem for my sleep pattern. It’s basically whacked! I’ve read a lot about getting out of bed…
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Eve
I’m going to do something I don’t do a lot and that is talk about my depression. I’ve seen so many brave souls open up and share so much and realized sharing helps in many ways. Two main benefits are it helps the person release instead of blocking it and holding it inside, and it…
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Prayer
I’m NOT a “religious” person at all, but last night I sat and prayed to the great spirit(energy) that surrounds us. I voiced many of the negative thoughts that were bombarding me since I’ve removed the numbing from alcohol. I said them all out loud and just sat with them and asked for peace and…
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Fed Up
Somewhere within this spinning earth resides hope and goodness As the media machines spits out doom, gloom, and negativity We know there is more then just that How did we end up here listening, believing, and clicking on all this SHIT There is Love I know it I feel it We must not give in…
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Initial observations being Alcohol-Free
When I say initial it’s only been 19 days, but coming off tipping brews for 40 years this is quite the change. I haven’t had any real physical reactions being AF and attitude wise I’ve been pretty pumped up, BUT… I have noticed this slithering around me in my shadows: – I’ve been noticing in…
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I’m just over 2 weeks now being Alcohol-Free and I’m in a bit of a ….FUNK!
Background I was born in Massena, NY along the St.Lawerence river which borders Canada. (Living in Woodland Park, CO now). My mother was actually born in Canada. Anyway, I was a teen in the late 70s early 80s and listened to classic rock such as Zeppelin, Stones, The Who, and Pink Floyd and occasionally that…
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It could be worse
The other night I was leaving yoga and I saw this gentlemann slowly walking on the sidewalk with a walker. It was dark out, cold, and there was still some snow and ice on the ground. Something just didn’t seem right and I’m finally learning to listen to my intuition and ACT. Me: How’s it…
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1 Week In – Alcohol Free
2-16-19: a new journey began I’m in 1 week of my happily ever afterness of being sober! Well big whoop many may say..1 week…really?? Well it’s huge for a guy like me who’s been drinking alcohol for 40 years. Yep started dabbling with it at age 13. I grew up in a blue collar town…
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Death
I hear the news Goosebumps fly up my arms Deep breaths come quickly Chills scatter throughout my body And then … Tears Beautiful tears Beautiful tears of Love And at that moment I’m closest to this wonderful spirit that surrounds us all and realize what a beautiful gift love is To Love – That’s It…
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Smiling while wounded
Wounded I was reading and came across the word Flash to this I created In more ways than one Not all wounds are seen But indeed they are there and deep I felt sad revisiting this time I look and wanted to say I’m sorry You needed helped in such a bad way Instead you…
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Marital Status
After 3.5 years, I’m tired of the divorced label projected externally and internally. For those who have been through it, can you relate? I’ve slowly progressed to Single😊
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Plan B………….No
How many of us go through life with having plan B’s and even plan C’s…and then end up living them? Some call it having a safety net. I’m beginning to Get It that having a safety net isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Living and wondering what if isn’t much fun and isn’t…
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Dwight goes marbles!
What can you do with one marble? See the jar on the right? What’s different between that and the Others? It’s POTENTIAL! It’s me. At least that’s how I’m rolling with it for my new 2019 ritual. I got the idea from James Clear in his book called Atomic Habits. James says we as a…
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2 walks today
One with my dogs. One just for me. Just relaxing now as my cheeks start to warm. Pecking this out with one finger on my iPad and feeling good. Not drug or booze induced. Glancing over at my Xmas tree and out my front window at the tree there all lit up and my heart…
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Happy Beanies
My daughter calls me the other night and the conversation goes as follows: Allie: Do you have any beanies? Me: Pardon? Allie: Do you have any beanies? Me: Beanies? Allie: Beanies. Yes. Me: What are beanies? Allie: You know…hats! Me: Oh yah, I’ve got a few baseball caps. Allie: NO, not baseball hats, winter hats!…
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Flip It!
Not sure how this will flow, but possibly writing will clarify. I’m currently in the process of “flipping it”. Not sure what else to use to define it. Something has finally seeped through to the point where I’m picking up on it has to start on the inside. To be clearer – I have to…
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Feeling Senior
So I’m going to talk about my work situation and a little thing that keeps gnawing on me just to see if anyone else out there can relate a bit. Excuse me why I lay down on the couch, so it’s easier to open up. Okay doc…I’ve been working for a hospital as an application…
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Thank YOU
Good Morning from the Couch of Daisy! You ever have one of those mornings where all just feels good? A warm calmness lightly snuggles up to you and kisses your cheek. This I wish for all of you. I’m very grateful! The connections I feel everyday have opened my heart wider and strengthed my…
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Smith Drive
From birth until the age of 10 I grew up in the country, upstate New York (Massena), on a small road called Smith Drive that was just off the highway. Our house was 1 of 4 that sat between Motel Oral Campground and the Seaway Campground. I have fond memories of this time in my…
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Question from Jerry
Jerry is a friend of mine who recently became a widower at the age of 76 after being married for 53 years. We were chatting away on the phone and he says I’ve got a question for you. It went something like this: Jerry: What size bed do you have? Me: Queen Jerry: Where do…
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My Hero
What if I told you I know a soldier who served their country for 30 years? What if I told you during this period a great war was raging and each year this veteran chose to go one more tour? One more tour. This soldier started fresh full of passion and determination. High ideals…
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Paper & Ink
I picked up my dusty journal looking for an entry and realized how very little I write now that I blog more on WordPress. Just glancing through I was in a kind of ahhh on the range of topics and moments I had captured good, bad, and ugly. Some juicy material in there let me…
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A Hike in the Forest
What makes a 52-year-old man go on a two-day backpacking trip up one side of Pikes Peak and down the other? Beats the shit out of me but I did it : ) My Little Dwight voice has been harping harping harping on me to get out and Do Something. Little Dwight comes from way…
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Sometimes
Sometimes we just want others to be honest and say I truely don’t know what you’re going through, but I love you. That’s it. Simple. LOVE.
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Still
I’m being still. I’m still here. I ask the Universe for guidance and all is still. It’s like my friend Stephen says once you face fear it turns into a coward. It’s still. What will I do next? There are no coaches at this point I care to follow. Nor no gurus. It’s not like…
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Bob
My son Bob just left today for Alaska to work this summer and have some adventures. He’s 18 and decided to do “van life” for a bit and I couldn’t be happier! We’ve been working hard for the last 2 months getting it ready.. My son Bob left today for Alaska. I cried like…
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I Don’t Know
Down in the valley looking up… In the fog… Just get through this…Just get through this… Feeling just f’n blah blah blah… Call it what you will, but I know many of you have been there. For me, it happens with some “event” and then I start checking out. I stop doing all the things…
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Levi’s
Put on an old pair of Levi’s And I’m feeling okay Sip on some coffee Just starting my day Haven’t done a damm thing But that’s okay Cause an old pair of Levi’s Always makes me feel this way!
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Reaching the Summit 2:13 AM
To almost come to the end only to discover beyond the peak is yet another. I feel a bit let down at this false summit, but in reality it isn’t that bit of a surprise. Turning around to view my route I do swell up with ah and pride on the distanced traveled. Broken open…
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Step in
This week I related so much to that phrase of you never get over it, you just get through it. When you realize you have no other option, the next door waits.
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Preparing for University
Yesterday was a huge step for my son Bob! He’s graduating from high school this spring, and in the fall he’s off to the University of Life in his 1983 Chevy G20 van he just bought! He’ll be living in the van and traveling across the states doing seasonal work and seeing the country. As…
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12:41 AM Train Departed
it’s her train even if you think not you indeed will pay a price with or without cause no time for repairs you will eventually be tossed she looks the other way as she greets a new passenger you crash roll and fall further and further down the roar of the engine fades you pick…
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A Good Day
It was a good day. Sam, my 1968 camper, came home from having his gas tank lined due to rust. Sucks getting old and oh how can I relate. The great Great Spirit is shining on him though with some love here. I just picked up Sam at the end of last year and he’s…
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Time for therapy
No insurance card needed. Are you ready? Here we go. Stop and touch the bark of the trees. Stand and be silent. Tell the trees how grateful you are for all that they give. Close you eyes and feel the energy from your hand on the tree down to Mother Earth and across the…
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Question
How come it’s easier to write out our feelings to the whole world to read, but every day we hold them tightly to our chest when we are with those who love us? A few weeks ago I met up with an old friend I hadn’t seen for over 20 years. I did something I…
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I’m Ready
Where would I go Who cares Out Fresh New Adventures from days past Young and dumb Who is the fool So many things wished changed Now more of the same Not too late Still can run Play Kids, dogs, debt, income, insurance…asked every day Happiness? Connection? Let’s look at the list You must do this…
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Fez goes to church for the first time!
Just a Whole lotta Fun: 51 and I still enjoy the shit out of listening to Led Zeppelin II and doing donuts in the church parking lot!!! * Note: no Christians were harmed by this momentary lapse of reason
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Heart Sutra
I learned of the Heart Sutra last week in a group meditation at a sangha I attend from time to time. It struck my heart with loving light and makes me feel safe. Thought I’d share. Gate gate paragate parasamgate Bodhi svaha! Going, going, always going on beyond. Always going beyond. Blessing! Gone, going,…
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I Did It
Okay, I did it. I joined Weight Watchers online. I’m tired of this extra fat I’m carrying around. I’m weighing in at 196.6 and my goal is to get down to 170. I’ve lost before using WW and know it will work again. The tracking of points seems to do the trick. No more shoving…
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Tears
1:45 AM. I just had one of those cries that just bursts out. I don’t try holding it in because I know it has its purpose and needs to come. I do that cry where you actual whimper like a baby and the tears gush. I let it come. I let it flow. I know…
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It’s a Dance
From the ash comes fire and smoke trumpets blare as the drum beats from the heart a healing occurs I rise with the smoke then jump on an ember as the glow almost burns out I’m a firefly dancing with good and bad happy and sad life and death black and white day and night…
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An encounter with a couple of eggs
Little shells in your egg – won’t kill you. Little shells in your egg – won’t kill you. Little yoke on the stove – won’t kill you. Little yoke on the stove – won’t kill you. ..repeat… Lighten up my friend and you won’t be blue❤️ Lighten up my friend and you won’t be blue❤️…
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Sam I Am
The kids were excited as they ran over to meet Sam. “This is so cool”, my son Bob said. “This flooring has to go” – from Allie. We were all pumped up and ready to drive him off to the repair shop to get some new tires. I pulled up on the choke, put it…
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Recipe for a Sh!t Week
It’s Saturday morning and I am just thinking about my sh!t week. At least that’s what I chose to think of it every day starting from Monday right up to Friday night. Uggh…when you start seeing your nonsense it’s a tad hard to handle. Sometimes it much easier to fly blind with no clue. Anyway…
Faded Jeans Living
By Dwight Hyde
Faded Jeans Living 
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