Day 3

I’ll cut to the chase. Day 3 of using my tools to work myself out my current depression state was a bust. I got to bed on day 2 around 10:00, but woke up at 12:30 and didn’t fall back to sleep until 4:30. When my alarm went off at 6, I took care of my dogs and instead of doing my morning routine, I went back to bed until 8. Woke up still groggy and skipped my midday tools too. After work I did make it out for a walk.

Thoughts on day 3:

  • I need to figure out this sleep. I did a lot on day 2 and figured I’d sleep with no problem. I may lump the issue in with eating better?? I did go to bed a bit stressed out. When I woke up at 12:30 I tried listening to a sleep meditation, but that didn’t work. I tossed and turned and finally just got on social media. I know, not a smart move.
  • I have nobody to blame for this other then myself. I chose to not take the extra effort needed today to help me feel better later. I see that and own it.

I’m going to do one more day of this since tomorrow is a weekend and I’d like to see how that may differ. Thanks for hanging with me❤️

Day 2








For those asking Day 2 of what?  A few days ago I was in a pretty bad depression state and decided for the next 3 to 4 days I’ll use some of my tools dealing with depression and document it here on my blog.  I’m doing this to make myself accountable,  get out of this state, and lastly to hopefully help someone else who may be looking for new tools.

Well leaving off from last night, I actually got a really good nights sleep of a solid straight 5 hours.  I can’t remember the last time that happened.  Forcing myself to stay up till at least 9:30 is the way to go for me plus obviously not taking huge naps during the day.  So waking up day 2 started off with a good win.

Starting off on day 2, I felt a couple notches up as far as my mental health had been.  As some had commented from Day 1, sleep is so important around depression.  This morning I switched it up a bit and for tools, I used giving thanks(prayer), 15 minutes on the exercise bike, and then followed up with some stretching and a cold shower.

Midday was the same as yesterday.  I took the dogs out for a walk, ate, and did a 15-minute meditation.  Now after that thing’s kind of went downhill.  We were having a lot of issues at work that caused a ton of stress and I didn’t get in a workout afterward.  Actually …I’m still working.

Thoughts on Day 2:

  • Staying up during the day and going to bed later helps me sleep better.  I know…duh, but when I’m depressed I usually throw that tool out the window.
  • Need to figure out this work stress stuff.  I don’t think the World will end if I take a mid-afternoon break to step away from the stress and also just stopping at a reasonable hour.
  • Need to make myself a priority and get my after work workout in!

Some may be wondering how I’m feeling now after two days of using some of my tools? It’s getting a good bit better : )  As I’m doing this I’m discovering what works and what doesn’t work.  It also shines the light on those things that need attention.

I’ll write more tomorrow on Day 3.  Thanks for reading and your support.

Day 1

I wake a few minutes after midnight. Don’t worry. This won’t be minute by minute of the next 24 hours. Well hopefully not. So I mentioned I use sleep to handle my depression, well this creates a huge problem for my sleep pattern. It’s basically whacked! I’ve read a lot about getting out of bed when you can’t sleep, so here I am out in my living room on my red couch, hmm red is that a sleep color, pecking away this start on my iPad. There goes another thing I read to stay away from screen time before sleeping. Maybe I should have stayed in bed.

I pour a small glass of apple cider vinegar and water. It’s a magic potion that has so many benefits that I’d be one finger typing all night. So being an American I want the quickest way to be cured with the least amount of work and drink this elixir. I wait. Nothing. Wait a bit more. 3 seconds have passed at this point. Nothing. Still not sleepy and I’m not farting daisies out my butt. Okay, seriously this is my first tool. From my understanding, ACV is supposed to help with the digestive process and since I usually eat like crap I can use a lot of help in that area. I’ll catch you in the morning. I’m going to think some sleepy thoughts while I read Wayne Dyer on my hell couch.

Woke up at 6 and stayed up(tool).  Usually, I let the dogs out, feed them, and go back to bed.  My goal for today is to stay up till 9:30 tonight, so I can hopefully sleep better.  To be honest, I’m a bit apprehensive that I committed to myself and the universe that I’d go through with this.  I really just want to crawl back into bed.  Morning routine consisted of decaf coffee, stretching, and a cold shower.  So those were 3 other tools.  I’ve realized caffeine and I am not a great match.  I like to the quick energy, but the drop afterward isn’t worth it.  The stretching comes in handy since I work from home and sit behind a computer all day.  Now I’m sure many of you had raised eyebrows when I mentioned a cold shower?  Yep.  I’ve been doing that off and on now for a couple of months.  The Ice Man on YouTube turned me onto it.  If you want to remove depression try standing under cold water.  First of all, it takes your breath away briefly and secondly, depression is that last thing you’re thinking about.  It is a rather intense way to start your day I’ll admit,  but when I’m done I’m awake, alive, and refreshed.  I hear also it’s good for your hair and skin, circulation, and eases stress.

Midday I took the dogs out for a walk(tool), lunch, and a 15-minute meditation(tool).  I’m pretty sure I fell asleep near the end – oh well : )

The evening consisted of a kettlebell workout(tool) just prior to dinner.  Somehow I managed to stay up till 9:30(tool).  Yeah, I made it!

Thoughts on Day 1:

  • After going out to read on the couch, I still tossed and turned when I went back to sleep.
  • Need to change up the morning routine order and start off by giving thanks.  So tomorrow try giving thanks, stretching, cold shower, then my reward of decaf coffee.

Some may be wondering how I’m feeling?  Definitely not as bad as yesterday, but I’m guessing that’s because I actually got off my butt today.  Still, feel like I’m just going through the motions.  We shall see how tomorrow goes.  Thanks for reading and your support.


I’m going to do something I don’t do a lot and that is talk about my depression. I’ve seen so many brave souls open up and share so much and realized sharing helps in many ways. Two main benefits are it helps the person release instead of blocking it and holding it inside, and it helps others realize they aren’t alone. My depression dragon has been with me for 30 some years. When I was 16 it got so bad I decided I didn’t want to be here. Fast forward to now. I’m 53 and the dragon still haunts me. It makes me question everything about myself and zaps all the energy away from me and everything looks and feels like shit. My answer is to hide from the world by going to bed. Going to bed at 7:30 at night sometimes and staying in bed until 2 pm. No desire to do anything. All I want during that time is quiet and not have to function. Turn the world off. Everything just turns into a big show where I’m the actor while inside I’m literal dying and hating life. I’m having a depression spell now and for some crazy reason, I thought why not battle the dragon instead of sleeping it away, and share it with the universe. So here I am. Tomorrow I start the battle and the plan is to blog every day for the next 4 to 5 days on it. I’ve got a box of tools I’m going to use and the goal is to document what’s working and what’s not working. The whole purpose of this exercise is to take ownership of my mental healing and start incorporating these tools into a daily routine. Spoiler alert: my tools don’t involve counseling or medication.

** Counseling and medication are excellent tools…just not for me. I mean no disrespect to those of you who partake. ***

I’ve tried counseling a few times and it hasn’t worked. And as far as medication goes I believe, for me, that I have everything already inside of me to be happy. I just have to tap back into it like I did naturally when I was a kid. So…we’ll see how this goes by making this public and myself accountable for battling my dragon. Stay tuned for tomorrow night where I write up my Day 1.


I’m NOT a “religious” person at all, but last night I sat and prayed to the great spirit(energy) that surrounds us. I voiced many of the negative thoughts that were bombarding me since I’ve removed the numbing from alcohol. I said them all out loud and just sat with them and asked for peace and to feel good. God. Good. I realized that if the peace I’m asking for is FROM Spirit(God) then naturally this energy of peace is already within me. How could it not? There is no exclusion. None. So as I sat still after asking for peace and realizing it’s already within me it was almost like the clouds within we’re starting to break up and bits of peace were starting to shine through. I’m going to starting using prayer as one of my tools. I guess I’m bringing it up to let others know you don’t have to go to a church to pray. You don’t have to believe in the the Bible to pray. You can just pray to the Universe how YOU wish. Hope everyone has a great day and I’ll be surrounding you all with best wishes. Keep 🎸 it! 

Fed Up

Somewhere within this spinning earth resides hope and goodness

As the media machines spits out doom, gloom, and negativity

We know there is more then just that

How did we end up here listening, believing, and clicking on all this SHIT

There is Love

I know it

I feel it

We must not give in to this wave

How do we stop this nonsense

There lies the answer possibly


Stop buying into it

Stop reading it

Stop subscribing to it

Check out from the media and start giving love instead

Be the example

Why haven’t we figured this out yet

Love Never Fails

It’s the truth, but we choose to believe otherwise

You insulted me

You don’t understand and you are wrong

You are my enemy

I’m a snowflake

I told my kids I wouldn’t bring babies into this current mess

Are we never going to get along

Are we going to continue killing the planet

Many people are checking out

Going minimal

They can no longer buy into this shit that’s be sold to us

We need to stop buying into McMansions, $40,000 vehicles, jobs/investments that go against are morals,…

Somehow we have to go back to the basics


We must give more Love

We must take less of everything else

We spend so much on our military

How much do we spend on Love and Compassion

Everyone is on depression medicine

We need Love prescriptions instead

This country is fighting against itself

Our children are pissed at our actions

They don’t want to grow up and be like us

I don’t want to be like us either

Were we never intended to figure it all out and Change

Are humans not capable of living together peacefully

Even if all our needs are met is it just against our nature

How do we change



Starts with me, I

Somehow my soul tells me love never fails

Reach across the table and hold a strangers hand

Rant done! Maybe us too. Hopefully not.